Being asked to stand by a close friend’s side on their wedding day is usually an honor, but for her, the dream invitation quickly dissolved into a nightmare.
She thought her biggest hurdle would be overcoming her shyness around a bridal party full of model-thin strangers, but little did she know, the true threat to her confidence was the devastatingly shallow motive of the bride herself.
How do you politely tell a bride that you won’t be attending her wedding because you don’t want to be a prop for her vanity?
A year ago, this 35-year-old woman’s friend, Michelle, whom she’s been close to for a decade, invited her to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
She lives in British Columbia, Canada, and the rest of the bridesmaids are from other areas within their country. She originally met Michelle through her job and then started hanging out with her outside of the office.
They went to parties together and joined a sports team, too. After Michelle moved four hours away, they didn’t get to see one another as much as they used to, but they remained in touch through social media and the internet.
When Michelle organized all of the bridesmaids to try on dresses and meet one another, she was anxious, as she’s shy and not the best around new faces. It went great, though, and Michelle is lovely, so she figured the other girls would be nice.
“I have always been on the bigger side, but after having 3 kids, my weight has fluctuated all over the place. In the span of 7 years, my biggest was 280 lbs, and my smallest was 160lbs,” she explained.
“Losing and gaining and struggling to maintain, etc. I currently am in a pretty good headspace and was able to work hard again to lose some weight! All of her friends/the bridesmaids are all soooo pretty…like model pretty…and THIN.”
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All of the other bridesmaids are sizes small and medium. While not a single soul commented on her being the odd one out, she felt influenced to look better than she does.
She was feeling humiliated already about being the only plus-sized bridesmaid. Then, when it came time for them all to get matching PJs, she couldn’t find one in her size.
While neither Michelle nor the other bridesmaids made her feel awful about that, she hated being the problem. She has managed to lose 35 pounds and weighs in at 175 at the moment.
But then came the bachelorette trip, which they were all excited about. The first day was incredible, and all the girls got along with one another. Everything with Michelle was fine, too.
They booked an Airbnb, and one night they were all having drinks. Since the group was so big, they split into two parts. One was in the kitchen, and she was somewhere else in the house with the rest of the girls.
She walked into the kitchen to get herself another drink when she heard those girls talking about her.
“I overheard Michelle say, ‘I only asked her to be a bridesmaid because she was bigger than me, but now she isn’t.’ I didn’t hear anything else after that. My mind and body froze. I ran to the bathroom and started crying,” she continued.
“I thought we were genuinely friends…she was always so kind to me. Hearing this totally shocked me! I don’t know what to say or do. Do I confront her? Do I tell her I overheard? Do I still just go to the wedding?…I’ve already committed to booking off time and money to go to her wedding this summer.”
“Not only am I embarrassed, but I feel like I’m losing what I thought was a good friend. Do all the girls think this? I want to communicate this, but it’s awkward…what if she denies it? What if she flat-out says, yup, you’re out? Either one is going to hurt.”
She’s also wondering if it would be a jerk move to simply back out of the wedding, but then again, she’s struggling with how to exactly say that to Michelle.
I think her best approach is to keep this super simple, especially since I don’t think she owes Michelle a single thing, given how much of a heartless person she clearly is. I would be devastated to find out that one of my closest friends only kept me around to make herself look better.
She should send Michelle a text message stating that she overheard what she said about her weight, she will no longer be coming to the wedding in any capacity, and wishes her the best. Then hit the block button. Bye, Michelle!
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
