Is there anything more gutting than realizing your best friend never cared about you as much as you cared about her? When someone you’d drop everything for shows you, plainly, that you were never as important to them as they were to you, it doesn’t just sting; it rewrites your life (trust me, I have been there).
This woman is sadly trying to make sense of how easily she was cut out of a major milestone in her bestie’s life, while still being expected to smile and stay helpful like none of it matters.
Several months ago, her best friend (whom she’s been close to for more than a decade) invited her to be her Maid of Honor.
She was elated to say yes, since they grew up glued to the hip, managed to survive the theatrics of high school, and kept close to one another even after they went off to college, which is something that tears many friends apart.
She considers her bestie more like her sister than anything else, so she jumped right in on helping her plan her big day. She doled out advice when her best friend asked for it, attended a slew of wedding appointments with her, and lent her money for bridal shower decorations and vendors since her best friend was tight on money.
She is fully aware that weddings are pricey as well as anxiety-inducing, so she didn’t hesitate once to do everything her best friend could need and then some.
Well, a week ago, her best friend said she had to make a couple of changes, and she figured that meant a new wedding venue or date.
“Instead, she told me that her fiancé’s family has a ‘very strict guest list’ and they don’t want me at the wedding. Not just as maid of honor, literally not at all,” she explained.
“She said I could still help her plan and ‘be part of the process,’ but I wouldn’t be invited to the actual ceremony or reception. I laughed at first because I thought she was joking, but she wasn’t.”
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“She said her fiancé’s parents don’t like me because of how ‘outspoken’ I am. Apparently, at a dinner months ago, I had voiced an opinion they didn’t agree with, and they decided I was ‘disrespectful.’ My best friend told me she wants to ‘keep the peace’ and asked me to understand her position. She said it’s ‘only one day’ and that our friendship should be strong enough to get past it.”
She could not believe the words coming out of her best friend’s mouth. She has invested her own money and time into helping her best friend have an amazing wedding, and she can’t grasp how her best friend could kick her out of the wedding like that.
Also, how is she supposed to actually be her best friend’s Maid of Honor when she’s now banned from the wedding and can’t literally be by her side?
She’s left feeling embarrassed because clearly her best friend was happy to accept her labor, but doesn’t think she’s enough to be at the wedding.
“I haven’t told her yet, but I don’t think I can keep helping with the wedding if I’m not allowed to attend. I also don’t know if I can forgive her for choosing her in-laws’ opinion of me over our friendship,” she continued.
“It makes me wonder if I ever mattered to her as much as she mattered to me. So now I’m stuck. Part of me wants to walk away from all of it, but another part feels guilty because I know weddings are stressful and she probably feels caught in the middle. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that she should have defended me, especially after everything I’ve done for her.”
“Would I be wrong if I pulled back completely and told her I can’t keep being involved? Or am I overreacting to something that’s ultimately about her trying to keep peace with her future in-laws?”
Some betrayals don’t need screaming matches or a dramatic exit; just one moment that changes everything. But when someone hands you a role that comes with all the work and none of the love or appreciation, that’s not friendship.
I think it’s not worth it for her to justify her feelings; it’s time to move on and cut her best friend out of her life. Stop showing up for people who only know how to take.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
