Everyone has different ideas of what they’re comfortable with in a marriage, but would you ever be receptive to opening up your marriage and letting your partner entertain other romantic connections?
This woman has spent close to 10 years married to her husband, and they have one toddler. She works full-time and supports their family, and her husband is a stay-at-home dad who works a few evenings each week as a server at a restaurant.
She and her husband have always had an open marriage, but she thought that meant strictly having friends with benefits and nothing would grow beyond that.
“After we had our child, I discovered he had been saying I love you with one of these friends with benefits. I was preparing myself to confront him on it, but before I was able to, [he] and his FWB came to me, saying they had feelings for each other and would want our relationship to be more poly than just open,” she explained.
“I feel like I should have shut this down right then, but his partner was there, and I was only like 9 months post partum and feeling very vulnerable (it’s all a bit of a haze), so I said that we could try with strict boundaries, see how it went.”
“I found myself consistently uncomfortable with her behavior. She would come to our home after I had gone to sleep to spend time with him without my knowledge. He seemed to want to defer to her because she would be upset if plans changed, and [she] is more explosive than [I am].”
Her husband’s new girl kept on asking to spend more time with him than he was able to provide her with, which made her believe this girl was attempting to ruin their marriage.
She did tell her husband that she did not want this girl around her at all, but wouldn’t force him to pick between them. Shortly thereafter, her grandpa passed away, and she was extremely close to him.
Next, her grandma got dementia, her dad passed away, and her grandma ultimately passed away as well. One week after losing her dad and three days before losing her grandma, her husband left to spend time with his other girl.
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“I told him that I needed him to prioritize me when I’m suffering and hanging on by a thread, and I didn’t want him going over to stay with her every week or constantly texting or talking to her on Discord, and I was considering separation,” she added.
“He said he understood, but then left to see her while [my son and I] were sick. While he was gone, I saw that she had been sending him Zillow links online. While he shut that down, it confirmed my fears that she does not have the interest of our marriage at heart, regardless of what she has said to me.”
“That was my last straw. I told him I wanted a separation until he could show he could be a supportive partner and not prioritize someone else. Especially when that person does not have the best interests of our marriage at heart.”
Her heart hurts, and she doesn’t think she’s making unreasonable requests of her husband. He hasn’t supported her in her grief; he’s clearly letting this other girl come between them, and she does think a divorce might be in order.
Yeah, she is being replaced by her husband’s new fling, and it’s sad. He does keep prioritizing his new girl over her, and she really shouldn’t wait around on him.
I highly doubt he’s going to change his mind and want to make her the number one woman in his life, so I don’t see any solution except for a divorce.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
