She Feels Like She's Competing With Her Boyfriend's Ex-Wife, Even Though She Gave Him A Baby

It's pretty painful to feel like you're competing with your partner's former spouse. But if you felt like that, what would you do about it?

This 28-year-old woman has a 34-year-old boyfriend, and even though she gave birth to his baby, she can't help but feel like she's in a competition with the ghost of his ex-wife, which is obliterating her self-esteem.

Her boyfriend's ex-wife is a woman his entire family absolutely loves, to this day. They got married when they were young, but that wasn't the reason why they didn't work out.

"She was super social, glamorous, always dressed up with full makeup, outgoing, the life of the party type. Their family social media is STILL full of pictures of her years later," she explained.

"Meanwhile, they barely post me at all despite me being with him for 7 years and recently having his baby. I’m basically the opposite of her. Quiet, natural, reserved; spent most of my life studying and building a career instead of being the fun social girl everyone gravitates toward."

"The part that hurts most is that my partner still doesn’t want to get married again after his divorce. So sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m good enough to build a family with, but not good enough to become a wife."

Her boyfriend's ex-wife ultimately cheated on him and left him. This happened years ago, but she is struggling with feeling like she's living in the shadow of this woman, especially since his family is still hung up on her.

She's not sure if this is just a case of insecurity or if it could be due to her being postpartum. Either way, she's curious if anyone else would view this as a self-esteem wrecking situation.

It is curious to me that she agreed to have a baby with her boyfriend when he clearly has no interest in committing to her, despite that being her desire.

kichigin19 - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

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After seven years with him, I'm sure she had to have known that he wasn't down to get married again before she got pregnant. I am having a hard time feeling sympathy for her when she did make a baby with a man who just won't commit.

I also doubt she had much self-esteem to begin with if she accepted this reality for herself. I do think she only has two choices here.

She can continue living like this while allowing her boyfriend to let her feel wildly insecure, since he is giving her scraps, or she can leave him and do something about it.

In the end, if she does picture her future with a wedding ring on her finger, then she has her answer: there is no way she can stay with her boyfriend.

What advice do you have for her?

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