If you witnessed your spouse being secretive about their communication with their ex and deleting messages from them, how would you feel?
This 27-year-old woman has been married to her 36-year-old husband for nearly a year now, and they were previously divorced before meeting one another.
She has completely cut her ex-husband out of her life, but her current husband can’t do that, as he shares a daughter with his ex-wife.
Her husband’s ex and daughter live in another city, and she knew about his past before they tied the knot. Her husband promised that nothing was going on between him and his ex, aside from a coparenting relationship.
“They had been separated for five years before I came into his life. I trusted him because I had no reason not to. Then, a few months after our marriage, I accidentally found a WhatsApp message from his ex-wife saying that she didn’t want to lose him anymore, that she still loved him, and that she wanted him back,” she said.
“His response was simply, ‘I’ll call you.’ I have never felt that much pain in my life. I was crying and shaking while holding his phone.”
“When he saw me, he tried to comfort me and calm me down. He explained that after she found out he had remarried, she kept calling him, begging him to come back.”
She questioned her husband about why he hadn’t blocked his ex or drawn hard boundary lines, and he replied that she could keep his daughter from him.
She didn’t really buy what her husband was telling her. He then began deleting his messages, but not before she saw him calling his ex, “babe,” and his behavior changed as well. She called him out on that, and he again brought up his daughter.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
She actually told her husband to pick between her and his ex-wife. Her husband said he did not want to lose her and said everything with his ex was a mistake. He promised it would never happen again, and it’s been months since that conversation.
“I know all of his passwords, he leaves his phone around me, and he doesn’t get upset if I check it. I genuinely believe he’s being faithful now,” she continued.
“The problem is that my mind won’t let it go. One minute I’m okay, and the next I’m breaking down in tears. I keep checking his phone.”
“Sometimes I almost want to find something so I can leave. It’s such a strange feeling because no one is forcing me to stay.”
Her husband’s secrecy and the fact that he deleted messages between him and his ex-wife are alarming to me. It also points to there being more than a coparenting relationship going on; otherwise, what would he have to hide?
If her husband was strictly speaking to his ex about his daughter, there would be no reason to act like this. It makes it seem like there’s way more going on between him and his ex.
Anyway, she obviously does not trust her husband anymore, and I can’t say I blame her. I think they need marriage counseling if she wants to save this.
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
