Married People Share What Everyone Needs To Know Before Tying The Knot
For a lot of people, marriage is the ultimate goal. I mean, the idea of being indefinitely tied to the love of your life, and sticking together through thick and thin, sounds pretty great, right?
Well, popular media has not done the best job of educating people on what marriage is really like after the honeymoon phase.
Don’t get me wrong– a lot of partners end up in happy marriages where they are able to communicate, feel heard, and navigate challenges like a team. But after the novelty of tying the knot really dies down, life gets real– and it is important to be prepared for that reality.
So, one Reddit user recently posed an interesting question to the online community. They asked married people to share things that they wished unmarried people knew prior to saying their vows. And the thread is quite enlightening.
Marriage Should Not Mean You Forfeit A Good Relationship With Yourself
“My wife’s uncle officiated us as he has for other family members and friends. And before the ceremony, he told us his ‘theory of love and marriage.'”
“He said many, if not most people, look at marriage as two becoming one. But, that is not accurate, healthy, or stable over any length of time.”
“He said it’s not two becoming one– it’s two becoming three. There’s each of us as separate individuals, and then us together as its own creation. And each of those three needs love, care, and attention. I have found it to be incredibly hopeful, helpful, healthy advice.”
ivanko80 – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purpose only, not the actual person
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“I would argue it is highly important to make sure you take care of yourself because your personal difficulties are now felt by your spouse as well– especially if you cannot attack the issue head-on.”
“It is okay to tell your spouse you need something for yourself.”
Problems That Existed Before Marriage Will Not Disappear After Marriage
“Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse cannot fix you.”
“Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married– for yourself and for your spouse.”
“On the contrary, it [marriage] is more or less guaranteed to many any problems you currently have worse.”
“The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. It goes back to the exact same relationship afterward. And if you’re lucky, that’s a good thing.”
Apologies Make Marriages Go ‘Round
“A gracious, heartfelt apology goes a long way.”
“Adding onto this– make sure to be accepting of heartfelt apologies as well. Grudges are never good in relationships.”
“Learn to forgive your partner, especially when they have gone to the effort of apologizing and trying to be better.”
“Just apologize, even when you are mad. Sometimes we are feeling extra tired, and everything our partner does is irritating us. This does not mean we have a bad partner. It means we need to communicate our needs.”
Having Common Values Is More Important Than Common Interests
“This is so important. I spent so long looking for an opposite-gender version of myself because I thought that’s what I wanted.”
“But, my spouse and I are very different people that complement each other. And our relationship is built on common goals and values.”
“In fact, it’s sometimes nice to have different interests and hobbies. Everyone needs time to do their own thing sometimes, and it also exposes you to new things.”
Compromise Is Key
“Compromising is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse.”
“Someone told me that when a problem comes up, think of it as ‘we, as a couple, are collaborating on a solution,’ rather than ‘one of us will have to compromise’– which makes it feel combative.”
“Of course, sometimes the solution is for one of you to compromise. But, that slightly changed framing makes a huge difference going into a discussion.”
Spending Time With Your Spouse Should Not Feel Like An Obligation
“Spending time with my wife is neither a burden nor a chore. She was my best friend before we even started dating. Of course, I enjoy hanging out with her.”
“COVID-19 really brought this to the forefront and shined a spotlight on a lot of people’s relationships.”
“During the height of it all, when things were locked down, I would say to my wife at least once a week, ‘I’m so glad we like each other.'”
“I am not saying it was easy by any means. But, it is definitely easier doing it with someone you enjoy being around– and I was shocked to see how for so many couples, that was not the case.”
If you are married, do you agree with these tidbits of advice? What would you add to this list?
You can read the original Reddit thread here.
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