She And Her Boyfriend Never Have Engaging Conversations, So She’s Not Sure If She Should End Things Or If She’s Being Too Picky
This 35-year-old woman has been with her boyfriend, who is 34, for two years.
They originally met in her boyfriend’s home state while she was teleworking. Then, she opted to stay in that state on and off for much of the last two years in order to be with him.
Eventually, though, she realized that she just was not happy with the idea of living in that state permanently. So, she told her boyfriend the truth and braced for the worst.
“I expected him to consider that the end of the relationship since his business was in his home state,” she recalled.
To her surprise, though, her boyfriend did not want to throw in the towel. Instead, he expressed interest in moving to a state that they both liked and starting fresh as a couple in a new location.
So, right now, they are actually living together in a new state for one month to see how her boyfriend likes the change of pace.
While they have been there, though, she has started to kind of question if they should really continue their relationship for other, non-location-related reasons.
For context, during the first year of their relationship, she believed that being together was a lot more exciting. After all, they got to learn everything about each other, and her boyfriend was constantly showing her new places in his hometown.
Then, after their honeymoon phase died down and they actually moved in together, she started to realize that the conversation had stopped flowing. And she believes this is because of their different intellectual interests.
shapovalphoto – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Now, don’t get me wrong: on paper, it appears as though their relationship is perfect. They reportedly both want children and pets, love outdoor activities, respect each other, cook for each other, and always plan fun weekend activities. Plus, they are generally just laid-back people.
Over the last year, though, she has noticed some issues that are making her question whether they should even start a life together in a new place at all.
For instance, whenever they drive somewhere in the car or even sit down to eat dinner, they apparently barely speak a word to each other.
Of course, there is small talk or discussions about planning activities. Beyond those “surface level” topics, though, she claims that it is very difficult for them to keep up engaging conversations.
She claims that she has specifically tried to help this issue by asking more about her boyfriend’s interests. Plus, she reportedly did her best to listen and think of well-thought-out responses.
However, even though her boyfriend also tries to listen, she believes that his responses are usually lackluster and just end the conversation.
“But with the right group or type of people, we can both talk for days,” she said.
Anyway, she did bring this concern up to her boyfriend a couple of times. But, he did not see it as a big problem and said their lack of conversation did not really bug him.
So, even though she feels comfortable with her boyfriend and “happy enough” in their relationship, she acknowledges how her heart doesn’t exactly “skip a beat” whenever her boyfriend walks through the door. And since she used to get that feeling in a past relationship, she knows it exists and realizes that she is missing out.
At the same time, though, she is also wondering whether knowing that she could feel more connected with someone else is what’s holding her back from moving forward with her current relationship.
Regardless, she believes that her boyfriend really is a wonderful and caring partner at the end of the day. He always wants to work through problems together, but sometimes, she knows that certain problems are beyond fixing.
Still, a large part of her believes that breaking up with her boyfriend would still be a mistake. After all, she has not dated that much aside from two past relationships, and she is worried about being too picky.
“But I keep having this image of me old and gray, sitting at a dinner table with him, staring at our food in silence with the occasional small talk dribbling out,” she revealed.
So now, she is utterly torn over her relationship and is not sure whether it is worth it to continue being with her boyfriend or not.
How important is it for relationships to feel intellectually engaging? Do you think she is having doubts for a reason, or is she really being too picky? If you were in her shoes, would you feel comfortable in this relationship? What would you do?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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