It’s hard to stay hopeful about dating when a man who seems normal and nice puts you in a terrifying situation. After she got pressured into being physical on a first date, even after making it clear she wasn’t interested, she went home and cried. She’s beginning to lose her faith in men, and it’s not hard to see why after filling you in on this nightmare of a first date.
This 23-year-old girl went out on a first date with a 30-something-year-old man, and it was so bad that she can’t get over what happened. She feels so let down; she’s not sure dating is the best idea anymore.
They agreed to grab dinner together on Sunday evening, and in the days before the date, this guy showed a lot of promise as they texted back and forth.
“I was genuinely excited and put time into getting ready — I wore an olive green silk dress, comfy heels, and a leather coat since it’s chilly here in South Africa right now,” she explained.
“We agreed he’d pick me up at 6 PM, but he only showed up at 6:40 and was unreachable until then. When he arrived, he was dressed very casually (definitely not ‘dinner date’ ready).”
“The first thing he said was, ‘Wow, you really prepared.’ I expressed that I value time and respect, but he brushed off my concern and said I was acting like it was the end of the world.”
He then sprung it on her that he had somewhere to be by 8, so he couldn’t actually take her out to dinner like they had discussed beforehand.
He said they should get some takeout, and he drove her to a nearby pizza place. They ordered, and as they waited for their food to be ready, he attempted to inappropriately touch her, even after she made it clear he had to keep his hands to himself!
Next, he drove her back home to her apartment building, where he made sure to park his car in the darkest corner possible before putting the moves on her again. Luckily, she managed to push him off of her and get away safely.
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“He later kept calling and saying he ‘missed me,’ which I found mind-boggling after what happened. I blocked him. The next morning, I cried,” she continued.
“Not because of him specifically, but because I felt so defeated about dating in general. I know one bad man doesn’t define my future, but experiences like this make it really hard to stay optimistic.”
“I’m sharing this not to trauma dump, but because I think it’s important for men to realize how common and discouraging these experiences can be for women. Dating today feels incredibly difficult, and I don’t want this to shape me, but it has definitely left me wary.”
I think it sounds like this guy was just trying to get her to sleep with him without putting in any real effort. I would have sent him home for arriving 40 minutes late to a first date and failing to communicate his tardiness.
I wish she had left the date and called an Uber as soon as he put his hands on her. In the future, she can stay safer by making sure she arranges her own transportation to a date and doesn’t allow a strange guy to pick her up or have her address.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
