How would you feel if your partner informed you that they’re taking a vacation with someone they had a romantic history with? Would that make you uneasy or ask for a breakup?
This 28-year-old woman has a 31-year-old boyfriend, and she has been dating him for the last eleven months. In two weeks, her boyfriend will be taking a three-day vacation with his group of eight friends, two of whom are girls.
The vacation was something her boyfriend had organized before they started dating, and he told her about it six months ago. Her boyfriend reassured her that both of the girls are in relationships, but one of them, S, he had a fling with.
However, she’s married now, and he made it seem that what happened between them wasn’t a big deal. She was already feeling uncomfortable with her boyfriend going on vacation with two girls, but tried to calm herself down about it.
Then two weeks ago, they found out that S had split up with her husband, which made her feel even worse about the upcoming vacation, though she didn’t say that to her boyfriend.
“Yesterday we got in a fight, and somehow we got to this topic with S, and I asked him what they exactly had [done], and yes, it was one night stand ~7years ago,” she explained.
She thought perhaps they flirted or shared a kiss as teens. She did not expect her boyfriend to inform her that he had slept with S only a couple of years back.
“I’m angry, anxious, sad, and overthinking. I’m not comfortable with it, but I can’t tell him [not to] go there. My boyfriend says I have to trust him, I’m overreacting, and [nothing will happen], and this is [his] last vacation with her, and he can’t/won’t cancel it.”
She does want to trust her boyfriend, but she’s just so distressed about the vacation. She’s going to be a mess while he’s away having a good time.
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She’s not sure why she’s the one who has to be fine with the vacation, and she knows that if the roles were reversed here, her boyfriend would not be happy.
If this makes her so upset, why can’t she go on the vacation, too? I understand that she doesn’t appreciate her boyfriend failing to disclose the full truth of what happened with him and S, but he didn’t do anything wrong.
Many people don’t want to give all the gory details of their previous hookups to protect the feelings of their current partner. I do also think this does sound like she’s the problem for not trusting her boyfriend when he hasn’t given her a valid reason to feel that way.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
