He Named His Newborn After His Sister Who Tragically Passed Away In An Accident And He’s Telling The Internet His Mom Was Instantly Upset When She Found Out
A 26-year-old man and his 26-year-old wife just welcomed their daughter into the world a month ago.
“We’ve thought long about what to name her, but then decided on calling her Alisa after my late little sister who would be 20 years old today,” he explained.
“My sister died in a fire five years ago, I’m not willing to share anything more.”
He and his wife wrestled with what to name their daughter, and they just could not decide until a few weeks before she was born.
They picked out Alisa, but they did not tell their families at all about the name they selected. They waited to share the news after their daughter was born and their loved ones got to meet her.
“I honestly thought that my mom would be super excited about her first grandchild being called Alisa, we both loved my sister very much and I personally thought that it’s the best way to honor her,” he said.
One week after his daughter arrived, his mom came over to see her for the first time. When he revealed to his mom the name that he and his wife chose for their newborn, she instantly became upset.
She began crying and ended up leaving. She did return after a bit, and when she did, she told him that she could not believe he chose to name his daughter after his dead sister.
His mom said that every single time she would spend time around his daughter, she would be thinking of the awful way that their Alisa had died.
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In response to this, he got upset with his mom and tried to defend his decision.
“I told her that I see it as a chance, a happier meaning for the name and if she were still alive, her name probably would have been the baby’s name anyway since she was my and my wife’s best friend, she even made us swear to have her name or a variation of it in all our babies names before she passed,” he continued.
He clarified that when his sister asked him and his wife to name all their children after her, it was a joke that she had made when they were back in high school, but still, he figured it was good to honor her wishes.
In the days that followed his mom finding out about his daughter being named Alisa too, his mom has kind of come around to the idea.
He thinks at this point, she might even like what he did in honor of his sister, and his mom clearly adores his daughter.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Your mother is right, she will be reminded of the worst time of her life every time she hears the name.”
“You’re absolutely legally allowed to name your daughter whatever you want, but with a name that carries such importance and emotion with it, you should have checked in with certain people to see how they would feel first.”
“…I’m the mom in this case. My daughter passed and if her siblings named their child after her I would be thrilled.”
“But, knowing first-hand how complex grief from child loss is I have so much compassion for your mom (and you).”
“I wish you had told your mom in advance, so often things that have upset me in my grief journey could have been mitigated if the person had told me privately or in advance so I could process it in my own time (not being sprung with the info at the same time as everyone else).”
“I’m not putting a judgment because I know you are all acting from a place of deep love and loss. Congratulations on your little one, your mom loves her, just give her time.”
“I have to say, I think using it as a middle name would have been better and not any problem for your mother—particularly since your sister only died 5 years ago, and tragically.”
“But mainly because you didn’t even discuss this with your mother in advance. Losing a child is one of the worst things a person can experience in life, and your response “If I want to name my baby after her, I can” was petulant and really dismissive of her very strong emotions about this.”
“It’s fine to name your daughter after her aunt, but this is clearly very hard for your mom. Give your little girl a nickname so that your mom can use a different name if it’s too painful to call her Alisa.”
“I probably would have had the same impulse and I think it’s a lovely tribute. I can see how your mom links the name to tragedy, though, and the loss for her as a parent is probably a little different.”
“Maybe you could help her come up with a nickname for your daughter? Like, she can be “Lizzy” when Grandma is around or something.”
“Everyone grieves differently. You felt you honored your sister and gave her name a new and vibrant meaning – your mom sadly is reminded of something traumatic and painful and I understand why she feels that way.”
“I understand Alisa is her first name, but sometimes kids actually go by their middle names. Would it be an option to use her middle name as her daily given name? Just an idea, throwing it out there.”
“It’s a lovely gesture on your part in keeping your sister’s memory alive and with you but I don’t think I would have done the same without discussing it with my family and seeing how they felt before I did, especially if it’s going to trigger some awful memories and feelings.”
You can read the rest of the advice the internet had here.
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