She Wants To Leave Her Boyfriend Because, While He Treats Her Well And Is A Great Father To Their Baby, He Has No Intentions Of Getting Married
This woman, who is in her late 30s, was previously married to an abusive man for 13 years. Throughout their marriage, her now ex-husband didn’t have a job and expected her to pay all of their bills. He also didn’t contribute to the housework or childcare (they had several children together). Once her ex-husband started physically harming her, she filed for divorce.
She and her now-boyfriend, also in his late 30s, have been in a relationship for several years. Her boyfriend has also previously been married, and his now ex-wife had an affair not long after giving birth to their child. When she got pregnant with the man who she was having an affair with, she chose to stay with her affair partner, so he filed for divorce.
To save money, she and her boyfriend moved in together a year ago. Several months ago, she and her boyfriend had a baby boy together. It wasn’t planned, but they were thrilled to bring another child into the world. Not long ago, she mentioned marriage, and her boyfriend told her he didn’t want to get married again.
Since her boyfriend goofs around so often, it can sometimes be difficult to tell whether he means what he’s saying. A couple of days ago, she decided to have a serious discussion and find out if he meant what he’d said about not wanting to get married again, and he clarified that he meant it.
“He told me that there is no desire for him to. I said, ‘Why? I need to know why.’ He said, ‘Marriage was not what I expected. I expected my wife to be faithful and there for me, but she wasn’t.’ In my opinion and interactions with her, she is a psycho control freak who wants things her way,” she said.
In response, she explained that she hoped to get married again, and she asked what would happen if continuing to date without the promise of a future marriage wouldn’t meet her needs. Her boyfriend doubled down and said she wouldn’t get what she wanted and that he wouldn’t marry her.
When he said that, she was exasperated and questioned whether he thought their relationship wasn’t permanent. He told her he didn’t think that way, pointing out that she was the one stating that their relationship wasn’t permanent.
“I have commented about being a placeholder until he finds his dream girl. He said, ‘There isn’t a point for me to get married. You live here, and we have a kid together. What else does there need to be?’ I asked him within OUR FIRST WEEK of dating if he ever wanted to get married again. He told me that if he found a girl to marry him,” she explained.
During this conversation early in their relationship, she expressed that she felt the same way and wanted to marry someone again if she met a man she was compatible with. After reminding her boyfriend of this discussion from when they first began dating, he claimed he didn’t recall saying he wanted to get married again.
Drazen – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
He thought he’d also been clear that he felt the exact opposite. She reiterated that she recalled him saying he was open to getting married again.
Upon reflection, she wondered if he’d been intoxicated on the night they first discussed marriage, which would explain why he didn’t recall saying he’d be willing to get married. On the other hand, she acknowledged the possibility that he was lying now and knew what he’d said in the past.
Since she wouldn’t change her mind, she asked her boyfriend what they’d do from now on, and when he said he wasn’t sure, she answered that one of them would have to do what the other person wanted if they hoped to continue their relationship.
Her boyfriend told her that after a couple had lived together for seven years, they were considered to be in a common law marriage, but she said she wouldn’t be satisfied with that.
Unfortunately, her boyfriend didn’t know what else to say to make her feel better because he wasn’t willing to change his mind. Now, she has no idea what she should do. Her boyfriend is a wonderful stepfather figure to her children and a fantastic father to the baby they share together. But she’s considering breaking up with her boyfriend if he refuses to change his mind about marriage.
“He spoils me and pays for anything and everything. He spends most of his free time with me when he doesn’t work. So, he is clearly investing in me. But I can’t help but wonder if he really doesn’t want marriage or just doesn’t want marriage with me. He gave up a lot to be with me and cut off some people, including his own parents. It’s clear he wants to be with me,” she shared.
Deep down, she knows she wouldn’t feel satisfied or fulfilled as her boyfriend’s girlfriend for her entire life. Marriage is important to her because it helps her feel like they are united and like a complete family, like a circle.
She doesn’t feel that way right now and feels left out in a way from her boyfriend and their son. In her view, as a girlfriend, she’s not as important as she’d be if she were a wife.
When she married her now ex-husband, they married at a courthouse, so she never experienced a big ceremony with friends and family. During the recent conversation with her boyfriend, he explained that he always assumed she meant that she wanted a wedding ceremony to experience it for the first time, just for the ritual.
He didn’t realize she also wanted it for the legal benefits of marriage. While she agreed with him that she wanted a beautiful wedding ceremony, being joined by law was important to her.
Over the years, she and her boyfriend planned out their dream wedding. They even talked about the food they’d serve and who they’d invite. In addition, they planned where they’d take their honeymoon.
When they spoke of engagement rings, her boyfriend told her his budget, adding that he thought about purchasing an inexpensive one for her and upgrading it a decade later.
Years ago, while shopping at the mall, they stopped at a jewelry store to look at rings, and she tried on a ring she adored. Her boyfriend noticed and then showed her a different ring that she thought was even more gorgeous than the one she’d tried on.
In her opinion, her boyfriend has been giving her mixed messages. It didn’t make sense to her that he would plan out their wedding with her only to say he never wanted to get married again.
She clarified that she wasn’t the one constantly broaching the subject, so it was strange that he brought up marriage and wedding plans when he supposedly had no interest in them. If he never wanted to marry her, she thought it was unfair for him to give her the wrong idea.
What would you do if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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