It is entirely possible for someone to be a 10/10 human being and a 2/10 partner for you. She’s haunted by ending her engagement because she thought she could do better than the man she had.
Lately, she’s been having a hard time with the fact that he moved on, while she hasn’t found someone new, which is making the past look like a sanctuary instead of the cage she originally felt it was.
It’s been nearly two years since this 33-year-old woman ended her engagement. She and her now ex-fiancé were friends from the age of 14, and eventually that blossomed into something more.
“On paper, he was amazing — kind, patient, loyal, emotionally safe. Truly never did anything ‘wrong.’ He was my best friend in every sense,” she explained.
“I ended it because I didn’t like who I was becoming in the relationship. He had chronic depression and was very content staying where he was professionally (he’s a teacher), cyclically in debt, and the [physical aspect] was extremely vanilla.”
“I’m ambitious and always pushing myself to grow, and I constantly felt like I was trying to drag him forward. I felt more like his mother than his partner a lot of the time.”
It wasn’t an enormous fight or infidelity that led to the end of the relationship. She simply had a nagging feeling that this man wasn’t supposed to be her husband, despite her having a lot of love for him.
Currently, her ex-fiancé is with a new woman and has been for more than a year now, and she’s still single. She’s been single since she left him.
While she’s dated some, she can’t find a man nearly as kind, patient, and safe. She and her ex-fiancé still share the same friends, and so it’s hurtful to see them post photos of her ex and his girlfriend on social media.
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“…I started to feel deep regret once I saw he was in a new relationship, which, from what I have heard, seems to be going well. I feel jealous [that] she’s able to benefit from all of his beautiful qualities when I walked away from him,” she added.
“And I feel sad I haven’t met my person yet. Dating in 2025/2026 is not for the faint of heart.”
She’s worried that she left a rare man because she wanted someone with more effort, ambition, and drive, and maybe that wasn’t realistic of her. It’s also occurred to her that what she did was deeply selfish.
It’s not like she can go back to her ex-fiancé, and she’s worried that she sabotaged herself and her chance at having a happily ever after.
She feels humiliated that she thinks of her ex-fiancé so frequently, and she thought that by now, she would have stopped grieving him and their relationship.
“I miss him not just romantically, but as my person. I keep questioning whether I made a brave choice for my future… or the biggest mistake of my life,” she said.
“Has anyone else left a relationship that was good but didn’t feel like enough, only to regret it later? How do you tell the difference between grief, loneliness, and actual regret?”
I truly think she’s only having all of these negative emotions flooding over her because her ex-fiancé has moved on, and she hasn’t. I can see why it’s painful to have to witness that while trying to find love and falling short.
I also believe that we tend to look at our exes with rose colored glasses, and she’s filtering out the past and remembering him and their time together in a more positive light than it may have been.
She should limit her social media time and stop staring at her ex-fiancé and his new girl, while focusing on her dating life, even if it’s tough out there.
Finally, she needs to ask herself if she would be so upset if her ex-fiancé was single like she was, because I am convinced she wouldn’t feel the same way.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
