He Doesn't Want To Have A Baby With His Wife Since She Decided She's Going To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom

Forget the typical wedding advice about never going to bed angry; maybe the real secret to a happy marriage is making sure your partner doesn't pull a 180 on your future plans.

He was under the impression that he and his wife agreed on how to structure their lives after having kids. But just as they’ve reached the milestone of trying for a baby, his wife has decided to hit the eject button on her six-figure career for a seven-year stint as a stay-at-home mom.

Now, he’s facing the ultimate ultimatum: agree to a life he’s always found unappealing, or walk away from a woman he loves before the first diaper is even bought.

When your spouse unexpectedly rewrites your plans, do you suck it up and change your values, or is it better to call the marriage off while you both still have time to start over with different people?

This man has spent the last five years with his wife, and they got married a year ago. The plan was for them to start a family and have a kid or two, but he doesn't mind how many they have.

While he would prefer to be a dad, living as a DINK (dual income no kids) is appealing to him as well. Throughout his time spent dating his wife, they have had multiple conversations about the future, and he made it crystal clear to his wife that he will never be married to a woman who doesn't hold down a job.

"Not going to disparage anyone who’s made that choice, but it's just always been an unattractive concept to me. One of the things I've always found most attractive in women is career competence," he explained.

"I also just have no interest in being the sole provider. Right now, my wife and I are close in income. I'm in sales, so it varies. Some years, I make more; sometimes she does. On average, I make about 5-10k more than her, so it's not that off."

His wife has forever been on the same page as him, and mentioned she wouldn't ever abandon her career in order to raise their kids.

Andrey_Arkusha - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

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They agreed to begin trying for a baby shortly, but out of the blue, his wife has had a change of heart and told him she wants to be a stay-at-home mom for a minimum of seven years (that would be when all of their kids would be of kindergarten age, given how they planned to have them).

He was never on board with this plan, and it's not what they talked about previously. He informed his wife that they should hold off on having kids until she goes back to prioritizing her career.

"Not that I'm trying to punish her, just I don't want that type of family, it's never appealed to me. Most of my friends have kids now, and all but one are still dual-income, same with my older siblings," he added.

"Their kids are thriving in daycare, and both parents are doing well career-wise. That's the kind of marriage/family I want, and I've always been straightforward about it."

"She recently came to me to try to convince me by showing that my income alone is enough to get by. But it's not just a math/budgeting problem to me; it's just not a life I want. I would rather just not have kids than agree to this, I've just seen it go wrong for so many people- and I find the concept unattractive overall."

While for some families, it absolutely makes sense for one parent to stay home since their salary is less than the cost of daycare, that's not reality for him and his wife.

They make six figures each, and even with two kids in daycare full-time, they're going to make way more money with his wife still working instead of staying at home.

So, that just further supports his position of not wanting to allow his wife to quit her job to raise their children, and he's left wondering if he's wrong.

"I don't want to go straight to the D word, but also we're kinda at that point where we're young enough that if we can't come to a resolution, maybe it's better to start over now," he concluded.

I think if he's waffling on being a DINK or a dad, he might not even truly want kids, but that's besides the point. If his wife is adamant about being a stay-at-home mom when he's absolutely not down for that, they're at an impasse.

Neither of them is wrong for having their opinions, and it sounds like his wife's changed over time, which happens. Life is rarely black and white, but they shouldn't have kids and need to hold off while they figure things out again.

Either he's going to need to bend on his position, or his wife will. Or, if compromise can't happen, then yes, a divorce is the best option.

Choosing to have a child when they are not in alignment will only breed resentment, issues, and a whole lot of negative feelings.

What advice do you have for him?

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