What I Want for Christmas is a Home Lie Detector Test

“We asked you, ‘Did you use the last of the toilet paper and not put on a new roll?’ You said ‘no,’ the lie detector determined that was a lie.” If this scene, followed by uncontrollable whooping and hollering from flatmates (or parents, siblings, whoever) is playing out in your head and making you giddy with excitement, you absolutely need to get this Home Lie Detector Test.

I’m not even making a joke. Any living situation would be richly improved if every accusation hurled was followed by the shocking results of a lie detector test (after the commercial break). The seething tension brought about by dishes undone can now be blown up in one exhilarating moment of catharsis. Once you start having Maury moments in your house, you’ll wonder how you ever got by without them.

The testing kit in question is USB-powered, and uses the same criteria that standard polygraph tests use to determine whether or not someone is lying—heart rate and electrical resistance compared to a baseline. The test works with software compatible with both Windows and Mac, so everyone can get in on these good times.

Anyway, go fire up YouTube and start taking lessons from one of the undisputed modern masters of dramatic tension, because the Home Lie Detector Test is about to become the best $400 you’re ever going to spend.