“He, “Joe”, was my high school fling with whom I had a complicated relationship. It is only a relationship that my now-deceased parents and ex-husband know about.”
“It’s a secret I’m resolute in bringing to the grave with me.”
“Freshman year in college when both of us turned 18, we went on a road trip to Las Vegas where we got married at one of those wedding chapels.”
“Around the same time I got pregnant. My parents were rightly livid.”
“When I told “Joe” about the pregnancy, he freaked out because he wasn’t ready to be a parent. Truthfully, neither was I.”
“My parents helped us get an annulment. This was a time before social media so it was a lot easier for me to “take a year off from college to travel the world”.”
“I had the baby whom I gave up for adoption. “Joe” also disappeared from my life promptly after the annulment.”
“During that time, I met a very nice man from a fellowship group who, despite my messy history and pregnancy, accepted me for who I am.”
“A year after adoption/recovery and self-discovery, we married and had my now beautiful daughters.”
“I have completely forgotten about “Joe”.”
“I tried looking him up. The only thing I could find was another guy with his same name on LinkedIn but it wasn’t him.”
“Desperate, I decided to break into my daughter’s phone while she was sleeping. I only wanted his contact information.”
“I read her messages with him to see if they exchanged phone or email. Luckily, and also, unfortunately, they haven’t met but he was coming on very strong, the same guy I knew.”
“My daughter explained to me that unmatching someone permanently cancels him.”
“So I sent him a message from her Tinder telling him to stay the hell away from my daughter because she is the half-sibling to his own offspring out there.”
“And then I unmatched him.”
“This morning, my daughter was upset that a guy had canceled her because she’s the one who usually does the ghosting.”
“I reached out to my ex-husband (haven’t for ages) to ask for advice.”
“He strongly believes I should have been honest with our daughter but he and I will bring this secret with us to the grave, I reminded him.”
“He suggested I keep looking for “Joe” to make sure he got the message.”
“I will do that. Sorry for the long story, I’m rambling a bit because I’m distressed.”
The internet really struggled with if she was in the wrong, and this is what they had to say.
“She shouldn’t have to be cornered into sharing something so incredibly private and personal to her because some middle-aged creep wants to hit on 20-year-olds on the internet.”
“You wanted to protect your kid, and that’s a good thing. But you did it for the wrong reasons, and the wrong way.”
“Gee, I wonder where she got the manipulative behavior from? Definitely not from mom who laughs along with all the “teasing” and ghosting then violates her daughter’s privacy for her own wants.”
“You may be ashamed (and should maybe look into some way to process the feelings), and you may think you can take this to the grave but this secret will most likely come out at some point. When she does find out, she will be hurt that you hid a sibling (and marriage) from her.”
“It’s a weird situation to be in. It’s also her secret to keep. Just because her daughter is an “adult” doesn’t mean she’s obligated to tell her anything. It wasn’t the greatest way to go about it but it certainly was the most discreet. If by chance it comes up in the future, she can deal with it accordingly.”
“Honestly your erratic behavior seems proof enough that you’re acting out of panicked desperation, not thinking about what might be best for your daughter or yourself.”
“Anyone who lies to their adult child, breaks into their electronics, and manipulates their relationships behind their back does NOT have an excellent relationship. You’re a manipulative liar.”
“If your daughter is an adult like you’ve said, then she’s mature enough to hear about your past with Joe. I get that you don’t want anyone to know about it, but I think you need to explain it to your daughter. If you don’t give her a good reason as to why you broke into her phone, you have now given her ample reasons to never trust you again. And, to be honest, your kids should be told about their half-sibling, before said sibling comes knocking on the door.”
“…The daughter’s reaction to ghosting shows some pretty self-centeredness so I kinda want her to live with that feeling to grow up. But admittedly the truth is probably better.”
“Even if she isn’t ready to share the FULL story, by just saying “this is my ex-boyfriend with whom things ended badly” should be enough for most sane people to step back. Like I would be grossed out if I was dating someone and found out he dated my mom???”
“Hi, just wanted to point out that if you messaged him and immediately unmatched him after the message, then he never actually got to read the message. When you unmatch someone, they immediately disappear with the whole conversation thread. Maybe it’s just better if you don’t try to contact him and let him think she wasn’t interested after all.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say about all this here.
Bre is a female millennial go getter residing in New York. One part entrepreneur, one part geek, she obtained her degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology.
She has held some exciting roles in both fashion as a designer working for brands like Victoria’s Secret and Henri Bendel, as well as in ad tech working for publishers like Ziff Davis.
Today she operates Chip Chick Media which reaches millions of women each month.
Bre is passionate about teaching women how to build a business and be an entrepreneur, in addition to keeping her readers informed of the latest technology trends and exciting products to improve their lifestyles.
You can send Bre a message here.