“She is very well educated and intelligent but refuses to do anything with her time,” he continued.
“This is a struggle for us financially, but she’s made it clear to me that she does not care at all, as I’ve asked her many times to get a job, even if it’s just part-time.”
He mentioned that he works more than 40 hours each week in order to pay for all their living expenses, their rent, and their debts. Meanwhile, his girlfriend literally lays in bed accomplishing nothing.
He is starting to get the impression that maybe her behavior has something to do with depression, and he’s attempted to talk to her about this several times.
When he does bring it up, she gets incredibly defensive. He has also asked her to start to see someone and get help, but she flat out refuses.
“I’ve also tried to get her out of bed to go outside, which sometimes works, but I have to beg and plead and it’s stressful and weird,” he said.
“I have tried endlessly to help her, and to help her help herself, but she won’t change or make any effort to change her behavior or life.”
“I’m about ready to give up which breaks my heart, but I don’t know what else to do. This is so dysfunctional and honestly feels entirely unfair. Any advice or thoughts would really be appreciated.”
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“Do not light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If she won’t make any effort to getting help or contributing to the household, then let her understand that her actions (or inactions) have consequences.”
“You are enabling her. People like this don’t care about you. She is selfish and it really doesn’t matter if she’s depressed. She’s a grown…adult and isn’t contributing. As a partner, she should contribute.”
“I’m depressed. I literally pencil in when I can roll around in bed and cry. I still work. I still push towards a better living condition. I have IBS and I still go to work and sometimes I am in the bathroom every hour for ten minutes. But I am working and covering the bills I can.”
“In my twenties, I spent seven years with someone that did nothing. It’s not a good look. When do you have time for yourself when you are taking care of a grown woman?”
“Bro sounds like you’re an enabler. You working to cover her bills and rent is just letting her live this lifestyle. You have to put your foot down or let her go because she can’t go on like this.”
“This is not normal and if she doesn’t seek help or talk with you about these issues you must leave her. You’re right, it’s not fair. She’s sucking the life out of you and she doesn’t care.”
“You sound like a great guy, and unfortunately you can’t force your girlfriend to get treatment or really do anything.”
“But you can stop enabling her, and that’s what really really needs to happen. She will NEVER get better if you continue to support her wallowing in her depression.”
“You need to kick her out or you need to move out and leave her to her own devices. I know from experience the only thing that will get through her head is a good hard dose of reality.”
“You need to break up with her. Don’t even give her a reason, per se. “I am breaking up with you. I don’t see our lives continuing on the same trajectory. When can you be packed and out of the apartment?” That’s the message. This isn’t a negotiation or an appeal. It is a declarative statement.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say to him here.