“Breadcrumbing” Is The Latest Dating Red Flag: Here’s How To Recognize It And Break The Cycle
Remember when ghosting was the cruel new kid on the dating block? In hindsight, this phenomenon– although hurtful– was at least more straightforward.
Ghosting had its own kind of clarity: one moment, they’re there, and then poof, gone without a trace.
But welcome to 2023, where the dating world has served up a new dish: breadcrumbing. It’s more insidious, confusing, and, yes, annoying. So, let’s dive in and see how you can spot—and dodge—this particular dating pitfall.
What Is Breadcrumbing, Anyway?
Breadcrumbing is the act of sending out flirtatious but non-committal messages (aka “breadcrumbs”) to keep someone interested without actually investing in the relationship.
Picture Hansel and Gretel, but instead of leading to a candy-coated house, these crumbs lead you on an endless path to literally nowhere.
These “breadcrumbs” could be likes on Instagram, sporadic texts, or the dreaded “I’m not sure” RSVP to your date proposal. They keep you on the hook but never truly reel you in. It’s exhausting.
How To Spot The Signs
If you’ve ever been lured into a sense of comfort by someone’s constant digital presence only to wonder why you’ve never actually, you know, met in person, then you might be a victim of breadcrumbing.
laurenssika – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Up first on the list of red flags to look out for we have the “midnight texter.” This person always seems to reach out, yet you can never pin down an actual date or meet-up.
At the same token, “eternal flirts” are another red flag who are downright confusing. They might act super affectionate, bombing you with compliments or emojis, but the emotional investment is never really there, and nothing ever progresses.
Finally, the “vague booker” similarly strings people along but does so by always claiming to be “super busy.” And they keep you on the hook by promising to set a date or catch up “soon,” only to cancel– with the whole cycle starting all over again.
Why Do People Breadcrumb?
It’s tempting to write off breadcrumbing as just another modern dating evil, but understanding its roots can be helpful.
Some people breadcrumb to keep their options open; others might just enjoy the attention.
It’s rarely personal, even if it feels like a slap in the face. Breadcrumbing is often more about the breadcrumber’s own indecisiveness or fear of commitment than something you have done wrong.
How To Break The Cycle
Even if it isn’t personal, escaping this cycle can still feel totally overwhelming. Here’s how to get started.
First of all, if you are feeling confused about someone’s mixed signals, stop hesitating to speak up. You have a right to the truth, and the most direct route is to ask for clarity.
And this second tip may sound cliché, but you just have to remember your worth. Stop settling for someone who treats your time and emotions like spare change, even if the attention feels nice in that moment.
Speaking of attention that feels good: In order to break the cycle, you must stop feeding the breadcrumber. Sometimes, breadcrumbing persists simply because it’s fueled by your own responsiveness. If you’re not interested in being dragged along, stop letting them hook you.
Finally, if you stop responding to measly breadcrumbs and realize that someone isn’t willing to meet you halfway, just cut it off and walk away. Remember, you want a co-pilot, not a pen pal.
Your Time Is Precious: Spend It Wisely
In a world where we can connect with anyone at the touch of a button, it’s easy to forget that not all connections are worth our time.
While breadcrumbing may feel like a maze, remember: you’re the one holding the map.
So, take back control, set your standards, and don’t be afraid to reroute. You deserve a relationship that’s more feast than crumbs (if that’s what you’re looking for.)
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