She’s Been Asking Her Boyfriend To Propose For Years But It Never Happened And They’ve Already Had Two Kids Together, So She Wound Up Telling Him That If He Proposes Now, She’d Just Be Angry And Wouldn’t Say Yes
This woman and her boyfriend have been dating since high school, which was nearly a decade ago.
Not long after they got into a relationship as high schoolers, they discussed marriage, and they both said they wanted to get married someday.
Her boyfriend said that when he turned 18, he would be willing to marry her in order to help her escape an unhealthy home life with her mother.
However, she was able to find another way to get into a more stable living situation, so she and her boyfriend didn’t get married.
Later on, she got pregnant when she was a little over 18-years-old, and they still weren’t married when she gave birth to their first child.
“I hated needing a ‘third party’ to approve him to the birth certificate. I hated not having my baby’s last name (both kids have his last name because we were ‘traditional’ and my family is worse). I told him that before we had another kid, I wanted to be married, even just going to the courthouse…I was embarrassed, and I just wanted to feel like a family ‘unit,'” she said.
Her boyfriend was in agreement with this idea.
Later, she and her boyfriend moved out of their hometown and began ring shopping.
She got pregnant with their second child, and she told her boyfriend several times that she wanted to take his last name so that she could then have the same last name as their children.
elnariz – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
Also, she reiterated that she didn’t want to have to have a third person in the hospital room for their second child’s birth in order for him to be listed on the birth certificate.
But when she gave birth to their second child, their child had her boyfriend’s last name before she and her boyfriend got married.
“At this point, I was fed up with him, and things in our relationship were rocky, so I gave up asking. Things got better, and we were moving back to my hometown. I asked him to marry me just so I could change my last name before moving home. He agreed,” she explained.
Unfortunately, her boyfriend didn’t follow through with this, and she wasn’t happy to be living in her hometown again.
When she went to her daughter’s school, which is the same school she attended, one of the teachers who’d known her when she was a student questioned her about why she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring and then questioned if her boyfriend was the father of both of her children.
Even at doctor’s appointments for her children, she is asked what her relation is to her children since she has a different last name than they do, and the medical professionals clarify that they want to have assurances that the children are hers or that she’s their legal guardian.
This has been more of an issue for her when she lived in a larger city more so than in her hometown.
“He’s realized how fed up I am over this and said he wanted to get married ‘right now’ and just do it. I told him no. I don’t want it anymore. I’ve already been embarrassed, and the only reason I would get it is because I nagged. I don’t want a ‘be quiet’ ring from him. At this point, we’ll stay together, and I still HATE my last name and hate that my kids don’t match, but it’s too much work to change their names to mine,” she shared.
When she asked her boyfriend about the idea of changing their children’s last names to hers, he rejected the option because he didn’t want their last names to be different from his.
She was irritated by this because she’s already been dealing with that for years.
Then, her boyfriend was angry with her and said that she was overreacting.
He said that she should just accept his request for her to marry him, but she refused.
If he proposed to her now, she would tell him she doesn’t want to get married to him anymore. She feels sick of waiting around and doesn’t want to marry him just because he thinks he was badgered into it.
In her view, she wasn’t being oversensitive about the situation. In her view, she’s fed up because this has been an ongoing issue for years.
Over the course of their relationship, she has proposed, but her boyfriend always rejected her proposals, telling her he wasn’t ready to get married yet and wanted to wait.
Twice, she suggested getting married as part of celebrating their upcoming anniversaries, booking a hotel for just the two of them after they got married.
Each time, her boyfriend pointed out that they had too much going on, and he wanted them to wait until they had more time.
Up until now, she hadn’t known that you were allowed to legally change your last name to your partner’s in court. She always assumed that would be a form of marriage fraud.
Not long ago, she has come to terms with the revelation that she doesn’t stand up for herself in her own life.
She is unsure if she’s wrong for not wanting to marry her boyfriend anymore, but she and her boyfriend are now both separately attending therapy to work through their own struggles.
They will continue their relationship in hopes of therapy helping them learn the tools they need to better communicate and work together.
In addition, she and her boyfriend live in a state with an extremely high cost of living, and it’s one of the most expensive states in the country to live in, so it’s difficult to survive while living alone.
Everyone she knows personally has roommates or lives with their families.
She and her boyfriend don’t send their youngest child to daycare, and it would be too expensive for them to do so.
What advice would you give her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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