Her Husband's Retroactive Jealousy Has Ruined Their Marriage, And Now He Wants A Divorce

Everyone in the world has experienced jealousy at one point or another. Maybe you were envious of a classmate in elementary school who always seemed to get the coolest new toys. Or, you were bitter after a coworker received a promotion, and you didn't.

Obviously, jealousy has the potential to strongly impact romantic relationships as well. But once you tie the knot, past partners from several years ago shouldn't really affect your marriage, right?

Unfortunately, that's not the case for this 32-year-old woman, because her husband suffers from a condition known as "Retroactive Jealousy."

For some background, they've been together for four years, married for one year, and her husband, who's 34, has a type of OCD known as Relationship OCD.

This is otherwise referred to as "Retroactive Jealousy" and causes him to fixate on her previous relationships. And in her husband's case, he specifically focuses on one person, with whom she hasn't spoken in more than eight years.

According to her, her husband can become "triggered" at any time and in any place. If someone has the same name as her ex in a TV show, for instance, he'll get upset.

Plus, just last weekend, they attended a concert to celebrate their one-year wedding anniversary, and something else set him off.

An individual supposedly walked onto the stage wearing a jersey for the same sport her ex had played, and her husband became so irritated that he wanted to leave the concert immediately. The whole situation sparked a big fight and ruined their anniversary.

"Anytime he is triggered, his energy completely shifts from warm, goofy, and loving to ice-cold and bothered, and he shuts me out. It is a very sad, confusing, frustrating, and isolating experience for me and for him. It's mental turmoil," she explained.

22Imagesstudio - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

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The tragic truth is that, aside from her husband's retroactive jealousy, they've always been happy. Yet, practically every argument they've ever had was the result of his condition. And it's begun to seriously affect her own mental health, causing her to feel anxious and walk on eggshells.

She used to think that her husband would get better as time went on, and they tied the knot. She hoped he'd finally recognize that he was the only man she wanted. Sadly, her assumption was wrong, and their most recent fight on their anniversary was a turning point.

"Things have never been worse. Something feels different about this time, like I finally realized this isn't going away, or I've hit my breaking point," she detailed.

"We've been cordial to each other all week and sleeping in the same bed, but no [affection]."

And as of the other day, they still couldn't see eye to eye. At one point, her husband asked if she was ready to return to being "loving again," and she tried to express her concerns, urging him to get help and medication for his jealousy.

"I also thanked him for giving me space, which literally just meant not initiating [affection], and he got an attitude and said, 'Yeah, well I was upset, too,'" she added.

Following his remark, it was apparent to her that her husband wasn't listening. He wound up storming out and sleeping in the guest room, slamming doors behind him along the way.

Given all the tension, she proposed moving her husband's things from the master bedroom to the guest room so they could continue to have personal space to process their emotions. Then, when he left to go golfing all day, she followed through on her idea.

"While he was away, I moved his stuff. I did not move it to upset him. I truly feel broken and anxious when I'm around him now, and I just need a little space to process everything," she reasoned.

Well, when her husband returned home, he was furious and claimed he didn't want them to act like roommates. She attempted to reiterate how she simply needed some space, but he argued that she'd already had a week's worth of space and should've used his time away to "come up with a way to communicate."

In her mind, she'd communicated her feelings the day before, when she encouraged her husband to seek help, and she told him that. Moreover, she called him out for using an aggressive tone with her. But to her surprise, that was when her husband snapped and admitted he wanted to get divorced.

"This is ridiculous. I won't be married to someone who can't resolve simple issues. I won't have kids with that person. I'm filing for divorce," he stated.

She tried to make it clear that she didn't want to split up, yet her husband didn't seem to care. Instead, he left their home, and honestly, she hasn't been feeling a whirlwind of emotions like you might expect. She just feels "numb," and whether that's a coping mechanism or a symbol of her being "over it," she's not sure.

Regardless, her husband's jealousy has made her feel very alone, especially since she has never told her loved ones about it, as she didn't want them to think badly of her husband. Now, though, she believes it's time to confide in someone, like her mom.

Additionally, she has no idea what to do about her marriage. She's always loved her husband, who used to care for her, make her laugh, and bring her flowers.

"But I am just not sure I can be in this relationship anymore, with how he's acting. Not taking accountability, being rude to me, and instead of giving me the space I need, threatening to divorce instead," she vented.

Could you be with a spouse who didn't trust your love for them? Does it sound like her husband needs to work through his issues before they can have a productive relationship? What advice would you give her? 

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