Her Boyfriend Asked Her To Bottle Feed Him Warm Milk Out Of The Blue, And He Used It As An Excuse To Bond

Trauma is an explanation for behavior, but it is never an excuse for coercion. Her boyfriend has framed his insane bottle feeding request as healing, making it impossible for her to say no without feeling like she's re-traumatizing him. She's supposed to be his partner, not his prescription.

This 21-year-old girl has been with her 23-year-old boyfriend for a bit more than two years, and several weeks ago, he made a request that completely shocked her: he asked her to bottle feed him warm milk, and this is not something he ever requested before.

She found her boyfriend's ask bizarre, but realizes that some people have crazy bedroom preferences, and since the bottle thing felt harmless to her, she agreed to do it.

However, her boyfriend insisted that it was something he wanted to do in order to bond with her, and that was his reasoning behind the bottle.

"He also told me that if I didn't like it, I didn't have to continue, so I tried it, and even though I wasn't into it and felt a little uncomfortable, I could see how happy it made him, and figured if this was a once-in-a-while thing, it could be okay," she explained.

"Fast forward to now and it's become a nightly routine where sometimes he will refill after the first to have me do it again, and last night after our routine I was annoyed because I had class early the next morning and I guess the milk gave him the hiccups which was obnoxious and impossible to ignore so I asked if he could sleep elsewhere and he asked me how I could suggest such a thing."

"I told him I did this favor, and I needed to sleep, and he made me feel like a horrible person for feeding him out of obligation instead of love and TBH, at that point he sounded almost in tears so I gave up and gave him the bed because part of me hates when he cries but also feels a pang in my chest for him."

Earlier today, her boyfriend didn't say a word to her. When he did decide to break his silence, he demanded to know why she hadn't inquired about what was upsetting him.

She prompted her boyfriend to be truthful, but he argued that if she truly cared about him, she would already know, or he wouldn't have to share it with her.

olenachukhil - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual people

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But anyway, let's circle back to the whole bottle feeding thing. She doesn't know how to break it to her boyfriend that she's not interested in feeding him from a bottle, like a baby, but she's worried it will come across as selfish since she has been doing this for weeks on end so far.

"[He] says it's been healing for him and his trauma, so would I be taking away a good thing just because I can't compromise or show selflessness?" she wondered.

"It also just doesn’t make sense because he said we could stop, but seems to imply that I’d be a horrible person if I did, even if I can choose that option."

"If y’all can tell me how to suggest this to him without him getting defensive or how to have a middle ground we can both be happy with, I’d be so appreciative."

This has to be something her boyfriend enjoys for him to pressure her into doing it. It is certainly weird that he didn't bring this up until recently, so who knows what that means.

He has two hands, which means he can easily bottle feed himself, and she should put her foot down and say this to him. Her boyfriend comes across as manipulative for trying to weaponize his trauma as an excuse for her to keep up with the bottle feeding.

And if he truly has trauma, it's not her job to heal that for him, he needs to go find a qualified therapist to help him work on himself.

What advice do you have for her?

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