Taking your clothes off for the first time with someone you’re dating is nerve-racking enough without hiding some major details about your body, like major weight loss and loose skin.
But do you think wearing Spanx on a date with the intention of hooking up, and not revealing that in advance, constitutes a bait-and-switch operation?
Over the last 10 months, this 29-year-old woman has lost a whopping 75 pounds. She still wants to lose an additional 20, but she is feeling way more comfortable and confident than she ever used to be.
She does have loose skin on the inside of her thighs and around her stomach, and her personal trainer is convinced that with some more work, it should look better. However, she’s looking at getting surgery to fix the excess skin.
“In the meantime, though, I don’t want to keep waiting to feel ‘perfect’ when I want to date now. So, I wear shapewear underneath my clothes to smooth things out and hold the excess skin in,” she explained.
Over the last couple of months, she’s been dating a 28-year-old man named Jake. He’s easy to talk to, he’s handsome, and he’s hilarious.
She thinks they have a wonderful connection, and there definitely is chemistry. Now, she’s not the kind of girl who enjoys random hookups, and she won’t sleep with a guy until she knows them well.
She relayed this all to Jake, whose been very considerate of all this. She and Jake have kissed so far, but she hasn’t felt ready to go much further.
Over the weekend, she went out on a date with Jake and was feeling excited to sleep with him, so they went back to his house at the end of the night.
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“He undressed, and he’s been athletic his whole life, so his body is perfect. I took the plunge and started removing my clothes. He was surprised that I was wearing shapewear and asked if it was a corset,” she added.
“I couldn’t tell if he was joking, but I kept undressing so I was exposed, loose skin and all. His face fell. He looked disgusted and disappointed.”
“I think he realized how his reaction looked, because he immediately started apologizing and explaining that he was just surprised that I was wearing anything like that, but it really struck my self-confidence.”
She felt horrifically repulsive, and it was as if she was transported right back to her heaviest time in life, when guys would completely ghost her upon seeing her photos.
Jake’s reaction shook her newfound confidence, and she raced to put her clothes back on, as he certainly killed the mood. Jake said sorry to her, but he was also irritated that she no longer wanted to hook up with him.
She has told her friends about the failed date, and while a few of them thought Jake had good intentions, though he ended up rude, some of her friends believe she should have told Jake about her shapewear.
Those friends who said she should have disclosed what she had on under her clothes felt that she had surprised Jake unfairly. Oh, and she has not addressed her weight loss with Jake; she’s only said she goes to the gym currently.
“I don’t feel like I was deceiving him or anything, but I do know he’s used to dating more athletic, active women like himself, and even though I’ve lost weight, I’ll never be that type of person,” she continued.
“We’re still texting, and he’s apologized again, but now I’m afraid to face him.”
She’s left wondering if she was wrong not to tell Jake about the shapewear she’s been wearing on all their dates.
Well, I don’t think she’s a jerk for wearing shapewear, but it is a bit of false advertising, so I get why Jake felt blindsided and shocked when she removed her clothes.
I do feel that she should have had a conversation with him about her weight loss journey and the shapewear. She kind of has to consider it this way: if Jake had been wearing, like, fake abs and took them off in the moment, how would she feel?
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
