He Met A Great Girl And Really Hit It Off, But After Finding Out She Was Hooking Up With Other Guys, He Ended Things Even Though They Were Never Exclusive
This 32-year-old man is pretty content with his life at the moment. He feels fulfilled with his job, his interests outside of work, and his friendships.
Despite hoping to have a wife in the future, he hasn’t been currently trying too hard to date or hook up with anyone.
Occasionally, he’ll meet someone, and they’ll go on dates or hook up, but his love life isn’t a huge focus for him like dating seems to be for the majority of his friend group.
One night, at a party with some mutual friends, he met Helen, 28.
Instantly, they got along well, and he asked her on a date.
When he went out with Helen, they had an amazing time and then hooked up.
From there, they started seeing each other often, and their relationship progressed fast.
Within two weeks after his first date with Helen, they hung out five times, and when they weren’t together, they were constantly texting and even talking on the phone once in a while.
“I won’t lie–I felt like I was falling pretty hard for this girl. She was everything I could have imagined wanting in a life partner: intelligent, independent, passionate, and kind (not to mention gorgeous),” he said.
kichigin19 – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
However, his excitement for their progressing relationship was short-lived. Just last week, Helen asked him if he was dating other people.
“I told her, of course not, and that I don’t hook up with multiple people at the same time. But then I wondered about her, and she told me she had been seeing two other guys, but she wanted to be exclusive with me,” he explained.
In response, he asked Helen if she had hooked up with them, and she said that she had. Apparently, she’d hooked up with them at least one time since he had started hanging out with her.
After thinking things through, he told Helen that he didn’t want to date her anymore. He was angry that while he was dedicating his time to only her, he felt like he was just an option of many to her.
“She started to get upset and told me that since we hadn’t discussed exclusivity, she didn’t owe me anything and that it was the whole point of this discussion,” he shared.
Then, he said that he understood that she wasn’t required to give him exclusivity prior to agreeing to it. However, he believed that since she didn’t stop hooking up with these other guys on her own, either she didn’t have the same feelings about him that he did for her, or they had conflicting views on intimacy.
Helen told him that she’s had a lot of unfortunate dating experiences over the years in which men she liked didn’t want to be exclusive. So, her strategy was to date numerous men so that if he wasn’t interested in dating her exclusively, she had other options, and she wouldn’t feel lonely.
As she spoke, he could hear the pain in her voice, but he still couldn’t see her point of view. He didn’t think it made sense to date multiple men at the same time if she was looking for a relationship.
He kept thinking that he didn’t want her to treat him like some sort of therapist to help her sort through her intimacy issues, and he didn’t think it would be a good sign if she allowed her bad dating experiences to hold her back from a successful committed relationship with him.
In the end, he told her that he wasn’t going to change his mind, and when she left, she was crying.
Once he told his friends about what happened, they bombarded him with their opinions, calling him a jerk for how he acted. In their view, he was acting anti-feminist, and they believe that he was shaming Helen for hooking up with men.
But he didn’t think this was an accurate description of how he treated Helen. He didn’t believe that he’d shamed Helen or attempted to make her feel insecure about her actions. In his view, their beliefs weren’t aligned, and so he thought it made more sense to stop seeing each other.
What would you have done if you were in his shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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