She Slept With Another Guy After Her Husband Addressed An Open Marriage, And He Hates That This Happened

If your spouse permitted you to have an open marriage and sleep with someone else, only to get upset about it later, would you find that fair?

This 28-year-old woman has been with her 36-year-old husband for the last six years, and they have a three-year-old daughter. Their marriage is a happy one, aside from one enormous problem they're having lately.

"He had an injury a couple of years ago that was pretty bad. I took a leave of absence when he got out of the hospital to take care of him until he could move around more and do things for himself," she explained.

"The first year we were fine. After a while, it was more mental issues than anything: depression, anxiety, no [desire for romance]. He wanted to...while actively in the hospital and as soon as he got home."

But after her husband's zest for romance died out, she felt rejected and sad. It consumed her. She missed not only their physical connection, but lying in bed chatting afterward.

She craved affection, and she never made her husband feel bad; they both were quite depressed back then, which played a role in their marriage declining.

Her husband then brought up an open marriage; it was not her idea at all. Looking back, she believes that her husband felt emasculated or something along those lines, which she didn't pick up on.

Her husband was so disinterested in the idea of her sleeping with someone else, and didn't care about their marriage in general.

"I didn’t know how long this would last. I thought we were being mature and we could handle it. Anyway, we were 'open' for a very short amount of time," she added.

yavdat - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a woman opening a door in a house

"Since he has gone back to work, things are so much better with his mental health. I feel horrible about what happened, and it wasn’t worth it at all. I feel a huge amount of guilt that I don’t know what to do with."

"I realize how insane the decision was. IDK, I guess I’m just asking if there are preventative things I can do for us, like preemptive marriage counseling. I don’t want this to blow up later."

If she tries to speak to her husband about the open marriage timeframe, he tells her to stop and mentions he is not interested in discussing it.

She slept with another guy several times, but her husband isn't privy to the dirty details. When they get into fights, her husband drags up the open marriage, calls her names, and says she betrayed him, even though he asked for it.

By the way, her husband didn't pursue anyone else when they agreed upon the open marriage. She was the only one who found another partner.

"He resents me for obviously it and now hates that it happened. It was horrible. I know we aren’t going to separate or divorce, but I want us to be happy," she continued.

While I don't subscribe to non-monogamy being a solution to fixing marital issues, I feel for her, and I see why they arrived at the conclusion that an open marriage could solve things.

Her husband kept saying it was a green light for this kind of an arrangement, so it's deeply unfair of him to act like she did something wrong.

He's probably just jealous that someone desired her, whereas he couldn't find someone else to hook up with. Couples counseling sounds like a wonderful idea, because pretending the open marriage never happened and refusing to discuss their feelings is not going to make her husband less hurt.

What advice do you have for her?

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