5 Keys To Avoiding Drama In Your Relationship
IRL, Couples Argue Everywhere
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You don’t have to look far to find examples of people unhappy in their relationships. IRL, couples can argue at the movies, in a restaurant, at the grocery store, and everywhere in between.
I Witnessed Some Women Trash Talking Their Husbands In Public Recently
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Last week I was walking downtown to my favorite coffee shop and overheard a couple of women talking hardcore trash about their husbands.
One woman told her friend, “I joked with him about my ex having a better body, and he gave me the silent treatment. I told him it was just a joke, and he wouldn’t listen. He was being so sensitive for no reason at all!”
The messed up part – her friend agreed that the husband in question was overreacting!
Now, every relationship dynamic is different; some couples can joke like that, which does not bother them. However, this is not the case for this couple.
His response shows me he was not okay with being compared to an ex like that. Furthermore, how would she have responded if he had done the same thing to her? Maybe she would have laughed it off, or perhaps she would be having a different conversation with her friend but still putting down her husband for insulting her like that.
My Point Is Drama Is Literally Everywhere
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My point in telling this story is drama is everywhere. With the rise of reality TV, social media, and celebrity news highlights, we are exposed to more and more relationship drama. We as a society have an overwhelming urge to absorb drama, which is why drama-focused content is so popular.
Drama is like a drug; you constantly want that fix. But, unfortunately, consuming all that drama inevitably builds an association in your mind – relationships need drama.
But Drama Is The Worst Thing For Your Relationship
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This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Drama is terrible for relationships. Excessive drama leads to unhealthy conflict and communication habits such as avoidant/dismissive behavior, name-calling, blaming, etc.
And Here Are 5 Keys To Avoiding Drama In Your Relationship
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There is hope, though – I’m giving you five keys to avoiding drama in your relationship.
#1: Don’t Be 100% Honest With Your Partner ALL THE TIME
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Let’s clear the air on this – you should be open and honest with your partner, but you do not have to tell your partner about everything.
For example, let’s say you had a bad day and came home to find your husband didn’t take out the trash as you asked him to. You might think, “God, this guy is so lazy.” Should you confront your partner? Yes. Should you call him names? No.
Those thoughts are usually fleeting and will cause more harm than good to vocalize. There are healthier ways to talk with your partner if you are unhappy. Remember – you and your partner vs. the problem, not you vs. your partner.
#2: Show Your Love And Appreciation More
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Relationships are like a balance sheet – you want more revenue (love, communication, appreciation) than debt (conflict, negative thoughts, relationship issues). So, how do you make sure your revenue exceeds your debt? Random acts of kindness. Throughout the week, do things for each other to show you appreciate and value them as a partner.
This can be daily or spread throughout the week. My wife and I like to take turns writing sticky notes with loving messages, such as, “I love you. I appreciate you. You are the best husband/wife ever. Thank you for being you.”
It can be as broad or specific as you’d like. We hide these in random places we know they will be found, so throughout the day/week, we find handwritten tokens of appreciation to brighten our day.
You don’t have to do this, but it’s a fun way for both of you to write out affirmations of appreciation. If that’s too much work, you can do something more simple, such as giving them a back rub, buying their favorite coffee while you’re out, or watching a show together.
All that matters is you are kind to one another consistently. That will go a long way in maintaining a drama-free relationship.
#3: Work Through Conflict With Empathy And Understanding
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Conflict is inevitable in any relationship worth being in. Conflict is not a bad thing – it’s how to handle conflict that genuinely matters. If a problem arises, chances are you and your partner share responsibility for the problem existing.
To avoid drama, limit your blaming, name-calling, and defensive responses in an argument. Instead, have a calm conversation from a position of understanding.
You do not have to agree with your partner to understand where they are coming from. However, calmly talking things out will reduce the drama in your relationship.
If you cannot have a calm conversation, take some space and time and return to it once you are in a place to be calm and understanding with your partner.
#4: Make A Note Of Things That Matter To You
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You need to take stock of things you can and cannot tolerate in a relationship. For example:
Will you be mad if he cancels your plans to hang out with his friends (last minute or in advance)? Are you going to be mad if he’d rather go to his family during the holidays than yours? Are you going to be angry if he never does the dishes?
Relationships are about picking and choosing what you disagree on. Fighting over petty things will lead to unnecessary drama. Don’t sweat the little stuff – work through them together.
#5: Don’t Bring Others Into A Disagreement
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The worst thing you can do when disagreeing with your partner is drag family/friends into it. If it doesn’t directly concern them, leave them out of it. They will all have their own opinion, and all those opinions will add to the pile of drama.
Always resolve conflict privately with your partner before bringing in more people. If you bring in other people, make it a therapist/counselor/coach rather than a friend or family member who is likely taking sides anyway.
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