Breakups normally come about in one of two ways: a slow fade or a dramatic blowout; we don’t typically expect our partner to do a complete personality shift while ending things.
Four months ago, this man’s girlfriend dumped him in such a bizarre way that he’s still left reeling from it. They were together for two years, they lived with one another, knew each other’s loved ones, and were about to get engaged.
Yes, he admits they had their issues as every normal couple does, but they never had a problem they couldn’t solve. He went on a trip to see his dad for 14 days, after going 9 years without seeing him.
He did not bring his girlfriend with him, and she instantly said he was deserting her. She then made threats to take her own life in order to force him to stay home. He thought that was unhealthy, so he went on the trip regardless.
Two days into seeing his dad, his girlfriend sent him a breakup text and told him she would pack up his belongings for him to pick up when he returned.
Ever since his girlfriend dumped him, he’s uncovered a series of events he can’t make heads or tails of. For example, on the evening his girlfriend broke up with him, she slept with a man she kept around as her backup option.
A week after the breakup, his girlfriend went to see their mutual friends, slept with two different guys in one evening, and complained about how their relationship was tolerable.
She also called him controlling, said that he never allowed her to go anywhere, and constantly looked at her location. Now, it was her plan to share locations, and she was the one who always looked where he was. Also, she would claim to be too exhausted or sick to go out with him.
“The Rebound Attempt: The next day, she asked for a ride from the bus station, hooked up with me, talked about finally seeing things from my perspective now, she understands why I went on the trip, and alone, talking about trying to get back together. I turned her down,” he explained.
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“The Ring: She tried to secretly sell the engagement ring. We originally paid for it with her tax return, but I had fully reimbursed her for it, making it mine.”
“She has also completely changed who she is she used to be. During our two years, she was often sick, and we lived a relatively quiet life, because of her not wanting to do anything or being self-conscious about the way she looked, etc.”
But she’s a completely different girl now. She goes out every single weekend, doesn’t seem to have the health problems she did when they were dating, and dresses in a new way.
To him, it seems the girl he lived with and dated doesn’t exist any longer. His girlfriend used to ask him on a daily basis when he would be getting down on one knee, and she had already organized a professional engagement shoot.
“If the relationship was ‘mediocre,’ why was she so desperate to marry me? And how can someone go from ‘suicidal’ because I left for 12 days to living a high-energy party life the second I was gone?” he wondered.
“I feel like I lived a lie. Has anyone else dealt with an ex who did a total 180 on their personality and values the moment things ended?”
It sounds like his now ex-girlfriend may be having a midlife crisis, or some kind of breakdown, or she has an undiagnosed mental illness.
Whatever she’s encountering, he needs to move on and stop trying to rationalize what happened. He’s probably never going to know why she blew up their relationship.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
