Her Ex-Boyfriend Called Her Numerous Times Before Passing Away But Never Left A Message, So She Feels Tormented Trying To Figure Out What He Wanted

ID 103739991 - © Antonio Guillem - Dreamstime.com
ID 103739991 - © Antonio Guillem - Dreamstime.com

About 20 years ago, when this 39-year-old woman was just 19, she fell in love with a 24-year-old guy. After they started dating, they had an intensely passionate relationship that lasted about four months.

She recalled how, at that time in her life, she was a “broken mess” trying to grapple with depression and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (c-PTSD) stemming from childhood trauma.

So, she had an anxious and needy attachment style, which conflicted with her ex-boyfriend’s attachment style and caused a lot of arguments.

But, just a few months after they broke up, she did text him “I love you” one night when she was missing him.

“It was just something I wanted to say with no expectations because it was what I felt,” she retold.

Still, her ex wound up asking her to meet up. She agreed, and they caught up and made out. He also wanted to be physical.

She declined his offer, though, because unless they planned to get back together, she did not want to put herself through any emotional pain.

Then, the following day, her ex texted her and claimed he could no longer see her again since there was “someone else.” And when she asked if her ex still loved her, he just responded, “Not anymore.”

She was genuinely upset that her ex wanted to be physical with her with no intention of something more. So, she expressed her anger, but he just told her to “have a nice life.”

ID 103739991 – © Antonio Guillem – Dreamstime.com

From then on, they never spoke again. She deleted her ex’s number, and even when they ran into each other on three separate occasions, she just ignored him. Her ex did the same.

She eventually moved on, too, and relocated to another city. It was during her twenties that she started unpacking her trauma and got some help for her mental health.

About 10 years ago, she also met and fell in love with a man who is now her husband. They have since started a family, and she claimed to have finally found her peace and happiness.

But, just a couple of months ago, she started to receive a bunch of random phone calls from two different numbers.

Now, she normally never answers the phone if she does not know who is calling. Instead, she will just let the call go to voicemail.

But after receiving about 10 or 15 calls, she decided to answer twice. Both times, no one responded to her on the other end of the phone.

“The second time, I heard a male voice sigh and hang up. And in late May, the flurry of phone calls stopped,” she explained.

“I found out in mid-June from a mutual acquaintance that he passed away in late May. I looked up the numbers. Turns out it was him.”

According to her, her anger and upset about their relationship were put to rest a long time ago. Over the years, she even admitted to thinking about her ex on rare occasions and mentally wishing him well.

Ever since learning about his passing, though, she now feels “tormented.”

She does not know the circumstances surrounding her ex’s death; neither does her acquaintance.

She also has no idea why he would have been calling her and has been struggling to process the weight of the situation. She decided to look her ex up on Facebook and learned that he had gained a ton of weight– ultimately becoming obese during his mid-thirties. She then learned that he never got married and never had kids.

Since her ex’s obituary also claimed that he died “unexpectedly,” she has no idea whether it was due to health issues or self-inflicted. So, she feels both guilty for not answering the phone and angry that her ex reached out and never actually said anything.

“Which now leaves me wondering what it was he wanted to say or couldn’t say and therefore hung up,” she vented.

“I keep wondering if there is anything I could have said or done to help him if it was [self-inflicted].”

So now, she has been left feeling extremely sad and confused. Finally, she is trying to figure out why her ex might have decided to call her and wants to get some perspective on this.

Why do you think her ex reached out to her after all that time? Do you think he maybe wanted to make amends or get closure? How do you suggest she copes with the situation?

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing ... More about Katharina Buczek

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