He Really Wants To Settle Down And Have Kids, But He Doesn’t Want To Waste His Time Dating And Can’t Figure Out How To Find A Girl On The Same Page As Him
On dating apps, we come across all types of people with a variety of interests, beliefs, and values. Finding someone who aligns with us and the life we are seeking can take time and effort.
This 29-year-old man has been online dating online off-and-on since January.
Two and a half years ago, he’d met his last partner on a dating app, but the relationship was, unfortunately, awful.
“I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’ve achieved a lot of things I’ve set out to do. Now, I want to settle down and have kids,” he explained.
“I learned from my past relationship that it is very, very important who you choose. My ex-partner didn’t just not want kids–she hated kids and hated working. So, she just wanted me to support her financially.”
Now that he’s returned to the online dating world, he’s realized that the algorithm is showing him people in the 35-49 age range, and those are the people he’s currently matching with.
“People in this range have made their minds up either way about kids. They either want them really quickly due to age or don’t want them at all. Internally, I want to be laid back; however, I don’t want to waste my time anymore. From 19 to 25, I wasn’t really thinking about kids; now I think about it a lot,” he shared.
Sadly, when he does match with someone, the conversation doesn’t go well. It takes about half a day at least for him to get a reply, and even though sometimes the conversations do continue back and forth, he’s reasonably frustrated with how long it takes to hear back.
He explained that it’s tough to ask one of his matches out on a date when it takes so long for his matches to reply to him in the first place.
kiuikson – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“I’m not sure how to move forward with the app. For example, I’m going to a festival on Friday. If I meet an amazing girl, I would feel pressure, as I may never see her again (this may influence behavior in a bad way: more forward, alcohol for confidence),” he continued.
However, one of the perks of online dating, in his view, is that he can have a more relaxed conversation with someone before scheduling a date.
But he’s experienced so many matches either taking too long to reply or eventually not responding anymore at all that he doesn’t have much confidence in finding success.
He hypothesizes that maybe the people he matches with are using other dating apps more often. He wonders if they also received an overwhelming number of matches and neglected to respond to everyone.
He thinks some of his matches may not be on the apps for the right reasons and are just wasting other people’s time.
What advice would you give him about his predicament?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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