When a spouse starts calling your boss and accusing them to their face of being your affair partner, your marriage isn’t the only thing in danger; your job is also on the line.
How would you handle such an insane situation? Would you beg your partner to get the help they desperately need, or leave before they cost you your career?
For the last 11 years, this 29-year-old man has been with his 28-year-old wife, and they have known one another for 22 years in total.
Six years ago, they got married, and they have two little kids under the age of three. The problems in their marriage only started leaking out when their oldest child turned one.
However, when his wife was pregnant with their oldest, she accused him of cheating, and they managed to overcome such a baseless accusation.
“But she has become so paranoid and argumentative because of her suspicions. She is bringing this into my workplace and taking the risk that I could be fired,” he explained.
“I have never ever cheated on her. I have never cheated on anyone. Nor have I almost cheated or suggested I would cheat.”
Initially, his wife stated that her friend recently been cheated on, and that kick-started her fear. She additionally blamed her pregnancy hormones for making her act abnormally.
But after giving birth, his wife kept on saying he was cheating on her. He asked his wife to see a doctor about Postpartum Depression and tried not to take it all personally, as having a newborn was hard.
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It was determined by a doctor that his wife was not suffering from Postpartum Depression, though she was still convinced he was a cheater.
He has requested that his wife attend therapy with him or go by herself, but she declined. He went alone to a few sessions in an effort to figure out how to deal with his wife, but that didn’t exactly help.
Upon her becoming pregnant with their youngest, his wife became even more paranoid than before, and he agreed to have this baby with her because he thought she would get over the false accusations.
Well, he was wrong, and his wife confessed that she didn’t believe that he was not having an affair. His wife said she wanted her kids to have the same dad, so she was going to pretend he wasn’t cheating until she was finished having children.
“She has lied multiple times about trusting me and not tracking me. She will claim she was home with the kids or at a mom and baby/toddler group when really she’s checking on where I’m eating lunch and going to my car to check for signs of cheating while it’s parked at work,” he added.
“She does this at home, too. She has started calling my office and asking who I’m with and whether I’m in the office or not. She even accused my boss of being my gay affair partner.”
“I was lucky that he was understanding, but she accused him of stealing a married father from his family. When I do any grocery shopping, she believes I’m using it as a cover to cheat. She has yelled at and called me a disgusting pig when I went and grabbed diapers and formula from the store.”
If he leaves the house for even a few minutes, his wife calls him a cheater, which is unfathomable to him since it’s not enough time for him to do anything.
His wife demands to know where he is every single second of the day, and she thinks he’s lying when he does give her a whole play-by-play.
His wife is angry that he has female coworkers. Her loved ones have picked up on how unhinged she’s acting, and she will go to the houses of her family members just to sit around and spy on him through the tracking app she has on her phone.
His wife has gotten so out of control that he’s just no longer interested in being with her. He’s concerned for his safety since she yells and seems to be about to put her hands on him.
Several days ago, he finally said to his wife that they can’t keep living like this, and she needs help. He did threaten to leave his wife if she didn’t quit accusing him of cheating.
“She told me I can’t destroy our family now and to think about the future babies she wants. She told her family, and they all said I can’t leave while we have a literal baby and to think about my kids’ future and the trauma of having divorced parents,” he continued.
“…I feel like I could lock myself in the house or sit in front of her all day, every day, and she would still accuse me of cheating. Our close-by support system (her family) all say this will get better, and I need to stick it out, and divorce would be awful when our kids are so young, but I don’t see how we continue.”
“It’s volatile, and I fear she will assault me, and I am not saying that lightly. [Would I be the jerk] if I end my marriage over this? Do I need to wait longer and fight harder, even though I feel I risk this becoming a DV situation? I did not have a healthy family life growing up, so I may be too sensitive to it, but I no longer see a way forward. And if I lose my job, we’re all going to suffer even more.”
I’m afraid there’s something seriously wrong with his wife, and I would be scared about leaving the kids home with her if I were him.
I think his focus has to be on filing for divorce and trying to gain custody of the kids to keep them all safe because his wife is so deranged.
This is so far beyond getting a therapist to perhaps help her; she belongs in a psych ward. I am also curious if she’s so paranoid because she’s been cheating, so a DNA test on the kids could be helpful.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
