She Told A Guy She Liked About Her Double Mastectomy On A First Date, And Then He Ghosted Her

Do you think it's important to disclose any medical procedures or sensitive information about your health on a first date, or is that better left until you have been out a couple of times with someone?

This 30-year-old woman had a double mastectomy, as she was at high risk of developing cancer. Due to the surgery that she had, she now has a totally flat chest.

She does have several photos on her dating profile showing the size of her chest, and the clothing in her photos makes it obvious instead of hiding it.

"I decided that if I liked a guy after the first date, I would tell him then about my mastectomy so that a) he wouldn't feel he had been unpleasantly surprised later on and b) if a guy decided he didn't want to be with me because of it, I wouldn't have invested so much time and emotions into the relationship," she explained.

"Last Sunday, I met a guy (M31) for a date after talking for about a week. I really liked him, and I guess he liked me too, because he suggested meeting again."

"I agreed, and then I remembered to tell him about the mastectomy. I told him about it and said I know it might be a dealbreaker for him, but I just wanted him to be able to make an informed decision. I could not tell what he was thinking, but he was very nice about it and told me to get home safe."

Five days later, she didn't hear a peep out of him. She logged into the dating app she met him on and looked, but he hadn't unmatched her.

She was terrified that he was ghosting her because she revealed that she had a double mastectomy, though she did wonder if he was weirded out by her disclosing that to him on a first date.

She waited until Friday afternoon and still had not heard from him. So she sent him a message on the dating app questioning him about whether he would be up for another date.

Loginova - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

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She wrote that it was totally fine if he was no longer interested in her; she just wanted to know how he was feeling. The following morning, he still hadn't replied to her.

"I was having a lot of feelings (lol), decided he was just ghosting me, and unmatched him. My friend then told me she thought there might have been a chance he would have messaged me back, saying he did want to see me again, so now I am sad that I messed up that opportunity, too," she continued.

"So, gentle reader, I would like some feedback. Was it for the best that I disclosed the mastectomy on the first date, or should I have waited?"

"My friends have given me different feedback on this. And do you think he might have actually still been interested in me, even though he didn't message me for five days after the first date?"

She really thought this guy was something special, and she's sad that she messed things up with him.

No, she did not mess things up with him, but he did sadly ghost her for one shallow reason. She is doing the right thing by being honest and upfront about the medical procedure she had done, because it could be perceived as a dealbreaker to potential romantic interests.

If she does feel more sensitive about disclosing her double mastectomy in the future, she can absolutely wait until the third date to talk about it.

It's unfortunate that she felt a spark with this man, and he didn't do the kind or gentlemanly thing here. And no guy who likes you will go a whole week without reaching out.

What advice do you have for her?

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