She Slept With A Guy Who Used Her And Didn't Take Her On Real Dates, So She's Embarrassed

If a girl ends up sleeping with a guy who doesn't make an effort or take her out on dates, do you think she has a right to be upset about being used when she put herself in that situation?

This 31-year-old woman has spent the last four months seeing a guy, and at first, it was pretty wonderful being with him. He was mature, attentive, thoughtful, and caring.

He seemed to be everything she had been searching for, and she has a pretty discouraging dating history. She thought this guy was finally a breath of fresh air.

Then, without warning, he changed one day. They didn't have a disagreement or anything like that. There was no reason for him to act any differently.

She asked him outright if she had done anything wrong or if he was not interested in her anymore, but he convinced her everything was fine. He said he was tired at work and had some personal matters to attend to.

"Another thing that I should mention is that we never actually went on a proper date. There were always circumstances getting in the way, and whenever we did have an opportunity to meet, something would come up, and plans would get canceled (by him)," she explained.

Every single time they hung out, it was at his house or hers. After he vanished completely on her for 48 hours, she wrote him a lengthy text expressing her disappointment and how she couldn't keep seeing him if that's how things would be. He simply said ok.

She doesn't believe he even read her whole message to him. She suspects he lost interest in her but didn't have the courage to come clean, since he still wanted to be able to hook up with her.

She's crushed, as she developed feelings for him. She's worried that he used her just to sleep with her and that's all there was to their relationship.

Yuliia - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a woman in a pink dress

"I gave someone access to my body because I thought there was something meaningful between us, because I trusted him and believed there was mutual interest," she said.

"Now I can’t help feeling like I gave that part of myself to someone who didn’t even have the basic consideration to acknowledge that he had hurt me. But I think what hurts me the most is that this isn’t even the first time I’ve experienced something like this."

"In the past, I’ve been quite strict with myself when it came to intimacy. I would usually wait until we’d been on several dates before becoming physically involved because I wanted to make sure a man was genuinely interested in getting to know me and potentially building a relationship."

With this guy, she ditched her rules about dating and was more free. She did sleep with this guy even though they never went on actual dates, so she's surprised to be in the same exact situation she always finds herself in.

That's what she finds the most distressing, and she's questioning if something might be wrong with her. Men like being around her, but they don't want to commit.

She's losing hope that she will find a decent man to date, and she feels too humiliated to tell anyone she's close to about what just happened.

"A few of my friends knew about him, and I had spoken so [well] of him in the beginning. I had told them how different he seemed and how happy I was to have met someone like him," she continued.

"So now, going from telling everyone how amazing this man was to explaining how things actually ended feels incredibly embarrassing. I feel stupid for having believed in him, especially at my age (31)."

"And I think that shame has made me withdraw even more because I don’t really know who to talk to about this without feeling embarrassed."

"I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance and to hear from other women who might have experienced something similar. I could really use some kindness right now."

Well, she kept accepting his scraps. She allowed him to treat her like this and use her for hookups. She should have made him take her out on real dates, not just sign up to be his sleepover buddy.

If she doesn't want a guy to use her like this in the future, she should only spend her time on men who will take her on real dates. If they don't put in the effort, she needs to walk away and not dole out additional chances.

What advice do you have for her?

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