His Girlfriend No Longer Wants To Be A Mom To Their Daughter And Would Like To Adopt Her Out

If your partner said they no longer wanted to be a parent and felt like adopting your child out, how would you begin to deal with that?

This 21-year-old man and his 20-year-old girlfriend welcomed their daughter into the world seven months ago. They had only been dating for 10 months when they learned that they were going to be parents, and he admits they were both unprepared for that.

Honestly, he didn't want to be a dad at all but reassured his girlfriend that he would be supportive no matter what choice she made.

"I did try to have realistic conversations with her about what having a baby would actually mean, though. I knew people with babies, and it’s a lot. I wasn’t trying to pressure her into anything, but I was like, I don’t think we’re really prepared for this," he explained.

"Basically, nobody thought keeping the baby was a good idea. Like, all her friends and family tried to talk her out of it. She didn’t want to hear any of it. Now I sort of think she maybe made her decision just because it’s exactly what everyone told her not to do."

He and his girlfriend have tons of friends and used to party all the time and go out. After having their daughter, he grew to be more responsible.

He's no longer out at all hours of the night partying or spending money on his social life. For a period of time, his girlfriend changed as well.

"Fast forward to now and we have a 7-month-old daughter. I love her so much. I didn’t know that I’d like being a dad, and sometimes it sucks, but it’s also kind of amazing," he said.

"I've just kinda accepted that my life looks different now. There have been plenty of times when I’ve wanted to go do something and been disappointed when I realize I can’t."

inna717 - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual people - pictured above is a mom with a baby

His girlfriend is really struggling to come to terms with being a mom. After his girlfriend gave birth to their daughter, she was enamored with her, but after the baby began crying nonstop, his girlfriend no longer felt like that.

Their daughter had colic, and the first couple of months of her life were tough on them. His girlfriend took a break from attending college and picked up a job when their daughter was around three or four months old.

And that's when his girlfriend changed.

"Now she’s saying things like motherhood isn’t what she thought it’d be, and she regrets not listening to what everyone told her. She says she loves our daughter, but she hates just going to work and then coming home and having to take care of a baby and then feeling so tired that she just goes to bed to wake up and do it all the next day," he added.

"She misses being able to hang out with her friends and go anywhere whenever she wants to. She was basically like I love our kid, but I miss my old life more."

"She also said she liked who I was before better. I told her it’s not like we can change our minds now, and she said maybe her mom would still adopt our daughter, [as] she suggested during her pregnancy. I don’t want her mom to adopt our daughter."

His girlfriend has been spending less and less time at home with them and more of her time partying. He's having to shoulder all of the parenting duties alone, which is exhausting.

His girlfriend refuses to take their daughter with her when she spends time with her friends doing things the baby could participate in.

He takes their daughter when he sees his friends, and his girlfriend easily could do the same thing. He wouldn't have a problem if his girlfriend needed a break here or there, as he feels it's important for them each to get alone time.

"But it feels like I'm increasingly the one who has to adjust my life while she's trying to get hers back. I do think I’m having an easier time with everything," he continued.

"She says she’s jealous of me just being able to adjust, and she thinks I’m better at being a parent than her, and she hates that. I don’t know what to do to make it better. I feel like I’m developing a lot of resentment already."

"It makes me not even want to be with her, but I don’t think breaking up with her right now is the answer. Plus, I don’t want to be away from our daughter, and who would even take care of her most of the time if I wasn’t here? I don’t know how to make her feel better or how to support her better. How do I handle her saying things like she wants to have somebody adopt our daughter?"

I don't think his girlfriend is a bad person for feeling regret. She's only human. He should encourage her to see a therapist so she can work through her feelings.

There's no way for her to get her old life back; she already made a choice to have the baby, and that's life-altering for sure. All he has control over in this situation is himself, and he should just try to keep on being the best dad possible.

His girlfriend's mom might be able to help provide him with more support in terms of child care if she already expressed wanting to adopt the baby.

What advice do you have for him?

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