Her Ivy League Sister Just Failed The Bar Exam Twice, And She's Happy About It

By Bre Avery Zacharski Oct 25, 2026

Growing up in the shadow of a favored sibling can leave lifelong scars, and for her, family life has always been a painful comparison game.

This 24-year-old woman has spent her entire existence in the shadow of her older sister, who has been deemed the golden child by their parents.

"Perfect grades, Ivy League undergrad, our parents' absolute pride and joy. Every single accomplishment I ever had, graduating college, getting my first marketing job, buying my car, was always met with a lukewarm 'that’s nice, but look at what your sister is doing,'" she explained.

In contrast to her untouchable sister, she's grown up feeling invisible and as if there's something wrong with her. Yesterday, her sister phoned their family group chat, hysterically sobbing.

She took the bar exam again for a second time, and failed. Their mom and dad dropped what they were doing and raced over to her sister's apartment like this was some kind of national emergency.

She put herself on mute while her sister shared the news, because she felt relieved about it. You could even call her happy over her sister's suffering.

"I felt this sudden, overwhelming sense of relief that the pedestal was finally cracked, that she isn't some flawless deity who effortlessly outshines me at every family dinner," she continued.

She's been texting her sister words of comfort, but she can't stand to look at herself in her own bathroom mirror because she feels like a total monster.

She shouldn't beat herself up for having mixed feelings, because it's her mom and dad's fault for treating her so drastically differently than her sister.

young caucasian woman looking at camera smiling with sunglasses on her head, concept of youth and beauty Raul Mellado - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a woman with sunglasses on her head

Rather than spiraling into guilt over her emotions, she should recognize that her parents' toxicity built this rivalry. She needs to look at her mom and dad as the problem, not her sister, and stop hating her sister because of that dynamic.

That's certainly easier said than done, and a therapist might be a great place to start so she can leave her negative feelings behind and get free of this.

What advice do you have for her?

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By Bre Avery Zacharski Oct 25, 2026

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