Her Fiancé Tried To Choke Her While She Sobbed About Not Being His Type, Then Took Back Her Engagement Ring

If your partner nearly puts their hands on you, even if they later seem sorry, is that unquestionably your sign to leave them before they escalate?

This 31-year-old woman went on vacation last week with her 28-year-old fiancé, and they had an incredible time. Yesterday, they went out to grab drinks, and the more she had, the more she wanted to talk about how she wasn't her fiancé's type.

"All of my insecurities poured out in a very ugly way where I drunkenly verbalized that nothing about my appearance matches his preferences and that he settled for me and is set on changing me into his preference because he can’t get the type of women he wants," she explained.

Her fiancé prefers Latin or Mediterranean women who have bronze skin and wavy, dark hair. She's Mexican and English, but you can't tell that she is part Latina.

She has light brown, straight hair, freckles, and fair skin. When she gets a tan and curls her hair, her fiancé showers her with compliments.

"He gripes when I wear sunscreen because he says it has cancer-causing chemicals and it prevents me from getting the bronze glow he’s attracted to," she said.

"I can tan a little, but I’m very freckly, and I just don’t like how it looks on me as I get older; it just looks like sun damage. So yesterday I said all of this, sobbing and yelling in the shower, and he reached at my throat and muttered, 'I’m gonna k!ll you.'"

"He says because I wasn’t listening. I grabbed at his throat and told him that I dare him to try. He immediately felt remorseful and cried. I told him that he learned to be an abusive [man] from his dad, who once grabbed his mother by her throat when he was angry with her."

Her fiancé retold that story through tears, so she can't believe he tried to do the same thing to her. While he didn't exactly choke her, he attempted to intimidate and frighten her.

simikov - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a woman in a floral print dress

Next, she phoned her aunt, who was under the impression that her relationship was full of love and stability. Her aunt shared with her how it took her a long time to leave her abusive husband, and she promised to help her if she had to move out and find somewhere else to live.

Several years ago, her cousin, who is the same age as her and has two little kids, had to leave an abusive marriage. So she's well aware of what scary marriages look like, but she never imagined ending up like her family members.

"The flight home was that of two mortal enemies sitting side by side for 2.5 hours. We didn’t say one word. We argued in the airport on the way to baggage claim, and I said I feel like I don’t know him, and he said the same to me: that he’s disgusted by me and what I said," she added.

"I said that I’m disgusted I fell for somebody who tried to choke me, and he said that he didn’t choke me, but he should’ve. He demanded the ring back, and I gave it back with no hesitation."

"He went to his parents. I came back to our apartment to unpack and spend time with our kitties. He cooled down a little, and said that we just need a night apart, that there was a lot of deep-seated resentment between us both that just exploded that we need to talk through."

She informed her fiancé that their relationship is over unless he agrees to couples counseling so they can fix their problems. She also mentioned he can never, ever threaten her in a violent way again, and she feels like she doesn't have a spine for leaving him as soon as they got home.

She loves her fiancé deeply, but the man she adores disappeared before her very eyes, and she thinks she's to blame for that because she pushed his buttons with her emotional outburst.

"...I will be losing everything for something I caused by being so insecure. How do you stop second-guessing yourself and know when to leave?" she wondered.

We all say things we don't mean out of anger, but we don't all make dark, violent gestures when we're upset, and to me, that's the most alarming thing about what happened on vacation with her fiancé.

It is not normal or acceptable to make a move like you're about to do something to end your partner's life because you don't like what they said. It's also not ok that her fiancé said he should have choked her when they were in the airport; that proves he has no remorse.

People do not turn to violence because they got pushed too far by the one they love; it happens because those people are explosive and don't have a handle on their emotions, and that's what is freaking me out for her.

Her fiancé's mask is slipping, and he definitely is the kind of man his own dad is at heart, so she needs to scoop those cats up, call her aunt, and get as far away from him as possible. He can keep the ring, because she should not agree to take him back under any circumstances. It's not worth risking her life!

What do you think?

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