She Admits That She’s A Completely Toxic Girlfriend And She Doesn’t Have A Lot Of Time Left To Fix Her Behavior
A 19-year-old girl admits that she’s a completely toxic girlfriend, and the guilt she has over her behavior is eating her alive.
She isn’t able to really do anything to change her behavior, though, as she doesn’t have enough money to pay for therapy on a regular basis, and she also can not afford to pay for medication.
She’s currently in a relationship with her 20-year-old boyfriend, and she screams at him over every tiny thing.
If her boyfriend does not respond to a text she sends him immediately, she winds up screaming at him.
If her boyfriend does not agree with her about a topic, she also ends up screaming at him in response.
“Arguments will ensue, and I have to lock myself in a room, pacing around, crying, hitting things,” she explained.
“Typically, he apologizes and tries to tell me he can’t help me, can’t deal with the situation if I’m acting this way.”
“I’m aware that this behavior is shameful and inappropriate; I try to apologize and try my best to keep my composure afterward. But he’s getting tired because he knows the same behavior will repeat. And yet, he REFUSES to leave my side.”
“It hasn’t always been like this; we’ve been together since we met early on in high school. I just feel like something broke inside my brain these past 2 years.”
elnariz – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purpose only, not the actual person
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What really makes her the most upset about her own behavior is that she’s starting to recreate how her stepmom treated her dad growing up.
Her stepmom’s pattern of behavior is becoming her own pattern of behavior.
Every time she treats her boyfriend in a toxic way, she begins to replay memories from her childhood of her stepmom doing the same things to her dad.
Additionally, the fact that her mom walked out of her life when she was 4-years-old has her realizing that she has serious issues with abandonment, and she expects every person in her life will do the same thing.
“As a child, I had MAJOR behavioral issues,” she said. “My parents refused to get me therapy and medications until it was forced upon them by CPS. I’d go to therapy for 3 months max before they’d take me out and say I don’t need it.”
“I just don’t know what to do. I love my boyfriend so much, and I’m running out of time to fix things with him.”
“At the moment, I can’t afford therapy/meds, so what are ways I can try to work out these issues with him in a healthy way?”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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