Her Boyfriend Still Sleeps In The Same Bed As His Mom, And He's 35

Do you think it's possible for someone to be way too attached to their mom, even as an adult? If you were dating someone like that, what would you do?

This 30-year-old woman has been dating her 35-year-old boyfriend for a year and four months now. She's having a hard time with their relationship due to his mom, and she's not sure they're meant to be together because of it.

Her boyfriend lives at home with his mom, who is way too dependent on him. Her boyfriend's mom calls him constantly, even if he's with her or at the office, because she hates being alone.

She's had to cut dates short with her boyfriend, or he's canceled their plans because his mom demanded that he come home to be with her.

"He also feels responsible for making sure she's eating, has company, and is doing okay. It's not just that she constantly reaches out to him. He checks on her too," she explained.

"But the thing that bothers me the most is that they still sleep in the same bed sometimes. His mother says she's scared or isn't feeling well, and he sleeps with her. This isn't a one-time thing. It's happened multiple times, sometimes a couple of nights a week."

"Another thing I found really uncomfortable was when he told me that his mom wouldn't leave his room while he was getting dressed. He asked her for privacy, but she said she'd seen him [without clothes] since he was a baby, so he ended up having to cover himself with a towel."

Additionally, her boyfriend's mom has made it clear that she will go nuclear if he ever moves out of her house, and she won't allow that to happen.

Her boyfriend has done a decent job of making steps towards extracting himself from the hold his mom has over him. He has spent a few weekends with her without letting his mom get in their way.

Nola V/peopleimages.com - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a man in a pool

Her boyfriend has attempted to create boundaries with his mom, and months ago, he said he would find a therapist to help him, though he never ended up going.

One day while she was at his mom's house, his mom trauma-dumped on her for 20 minutes, and while her boyfriend told his mom she wasn't there to hear all of that, his mom pushed back, and he dropped it.

She's not trying to make her boyfriend pick between her and his mom, or abandon his mom completely. She gets that he is attached to his mom.

"But I also don't think it's unreasonable to want a relationship where we can make plans without constantly worrying about whether his mother will need him," she added.

"And the sleeping situation has honestly started affecting my attraction to him. I know that might sound harsh, but it's how I feel."

"I'm at a point where I want to think about living together and building a future, but I have a hard time imagining how that would work when he's still so involved in managing his mother's daily life. I'm also finding it difficult to bring this up without making him feel like I'm judging him or attacking his relationship with his mother."

She's left wondering how she can address her concerns with her boyfriend and get him to make actual changes without upsetting him.

I am speechless. There is no way for her to make her boyfriend change; he's already shown her this is who he is, and I'm sorry, but his bond with his mom is creepy.

If she's not ok with his mom ruling everything, then she needs to leave him, because this is how it will always be. That's it. Her boyfriend isn't available to have his own life, because he's too busy being his mom's surrogate spouse.

What advice do you have for her?

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