He Broke Up With His Girlfriend Because She Tried To Change Her Appearance To Resemble His Late Wife
For seven years, this 35-year-old man was married to his wife, Laura. They had a son together who is now 10-years-old.
She was the absolute love of his life, and they adored each other. Tragically, when they were both 28, a doctor discovered that Laura had a rare form of cancer.
Five months later, Laura passed away. Understandably, he and his son were devastated, and he struggled with his grief for a long time after her death.
In order to try to cope with their grief in a healthy way, he and his son attended therapy each week right after Laura’s passing.
Grief is never easy for anyone, and while he and his son have had a difficult time, he believes that they have come so far in regard to their mental health and their grief journeys.
He didn’t want to date for quite a while, so instead, he spent his time focusing on his interests and hanging out with his friends and family.
About a year ago, he met Kayla, 33, at an event put on by the company he works for.
During the work event, he learned that he and Kayla have an interest in common that not a lot of people in the area have, so they had a blast talking about it together.
As time progressed, he and Laura started going on dates.
splitov27 – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
He thinks Kayla is wonderful, but he acknowledges that she’s different from Laura.
“I love her for who she is as an individual. I was hesitant at first, but after speaking with my therapist, I decided to try for a committed relationship if we took it slow,” he said.
“At first, she was amazing. I told her about my past and that my son came first, even before our first official date. She was very compassionate and understanding about everything.”
Several months went by, and their relationship was going great, so he felt comfortable finally allowing Kayla to meet his son. The two of them really enjoyed each other’s company.
This was the first time since Laura passed away that he could envision a future with another woman.
Four months ago, things unfortunately started to take a drastic turn. He noticed that Kayla started withdrawing from the relationship, so he had a talk with her to find out what was going on.
With tears in her eyes, she told him that she felt like he was taking her for granted and not prioritizing her.
Kayla continued, stating that it seemed to her like he was utilizing her as a stand-in for Laura.
This left him stunned. While he will always love Laura, and his grief will always be present, he didn’t believe that he had been neglecting Kayla in any way.
When he asked if she could explain how he’s been neglecting her, she couldn’t come up with any concrete examples, and she didn’t have much to add to the conversation from there.
He felt a tinge of guilt for hurting her, so he told her he was sorry, and he planned several more date nights for the two of them.
After that, she seemed content once more. A couple of weeks later, Kayla was going to attend her cousin’s wedding.
Because he had to work, he couldn’t go with her, but Kayla was only away for the day.
Once she returned from the wedding, he asked if he could see some of the photos, but she told him that she hadn’t been in any of the pictures.
He felt like her response was a little odd, but he didn’t question it any further.
“Then, the next day, a co-worker of mine showed one off of a private page on Facebook. I was shocked to see an expensive pair of my wife’s earrings on Kayla. In my son’s room, there is a small cupboard with pictures of him and his mom, letters from her, and some of her prized jewelry. I checked it as soon as I came home, and the earrings were returned to the cupboard, but in a different spot,” he explained.
He broached the subject with Kayla, and she was angry, screaming at him and claiming that he thought she wouldn’t take care of the earrings and make sure not to lose or ruin them.
In response, he said that it was upsetting that she would take something so sentimental to him and his son without his permission or knowledge, even though the earrings were gorgeous.
As the fight continued, Kayla finally said sorry. Once they had a talk in which he expressed that it was crucial that she respect his and his son’s boundaries, they moved forward.
Their relationship got better for a bit, but then Kayla started acting weird. The first thing Kayla did was dye her hair the same color as Laura’s had been.
His wife’s natural hair color was light blonde, and he knew that a lot of women dyed their hair that color.
So, while he thought it was peculiar, he tried to brush it aside and assumed that Kayla just wanted to change up her hair.
Later, Kayla started to regularly straighten her naturally wavy hair. Laura’s hair had been stick-straight, so it started to seem less and less like Kayla was just coincidentally switching up her hairstyle for fun.
From there, Kayla also altered her fashion choices, opting for clothes that looked like the ones Laura wore in photos that she had seen.
Kayla then took her transformation even further, having her ears double pierced and getting her cartilage pierced, exactly like Laura.
“I’d ask my family, and they said I was nuts, so I ignored it. Then, she brought up having my son call her ‘mama.’ I said I wasn’t a huge fan of the idea, but if my son wanted it, I suppose it’d be fine. She went on a whole rant about how it was different because he called my wife ‘mommy,’ so it’s not like she’s stealing the title. He said no, and she was a bit cold to both of us for days. She seemed like a totally different woman than the one I fell in love with,” he shared.
Whenever he expressed his concerns with loved ones, they tried to reassure him, saying that he could be feeling uneasy because this is the first relationship he’s been in since Laura’s passing.
However, he quickly realized that he needed to trust his gut when Kayla got a tattoo that was the same color, in the exact same spot, and only slightly varied from the design of Laura’s tattoo.
One week ago, he had a discussion with Kayla about all of her concerning behavior. At the beginning of their talk, she refused to admit what she was doing.
Later, she started crying hysterically and claimed that he was never truly in love with her. She continued, saying that she “felt that she had to live up to the memory of a ghost.”
This sentiment hurt him deeply because when Kayla told him previously that she felt neglected, she never gave specific examples of what he’d done to make her feel this way.
Also, she was acting weird and changing her appearance to look like Laura, and she did this all on her own.
As the conversation went on, she was still crying, repeating that she didn’t believe he loved her.
“I got so sick of it that I yelled at her, saying that if she felt so unloved, we should just break up. I honestly do like her, but I’ve seen how miserable she has been lately, and I don’t think this relationship is good for her mental health,” he continued.
After saying this, Kayla was quiet. She then got up, walked out of his house, and drove off.
Later on that night, Kayla hurt herself, but she survived the attempt. According to Kayla, she doesn’t have any living family members, so he was listed as her emergency contact.
Before her attempt, she had written him a lengthy letter, telling him she loved him deeply but that it was clear he didn’t share her feelings.
Also, in the letter, Kayla wrote that “maybe if she was dead too, I’d love her even a fraction of how much I loved my dead wife.”
This entire situation has really shaken him up. As of late, Kayla had been acting weird, but prior to her odd behavior, he truly loved her.
Now, his mother and his siblings have said he’s a terrible person and blamed him for making Kayla feel so depressed that she chose to hurt herself.
In their opinion, rather than breaking up with Kayla, he should have confirmed to her that he loved her.
His family had a close bond with Kayla, and throughout his relationship with her, they’ve been dropping hints about how they hope he marries her so that his son will have a mother figure in his life again and maybe siblings someday.
From his perspective, he didn’t think he was wrong for how he handled the situation with Kayla prior to her attempt, but he’s questioning his actions now that his entire family is acting cold toward him.
He doesn’t know where to go from here. His family is urging him to visit Kayla in the hospital right away and help her through her struggles so that they can continue dating.
However, he doesn’t know if this is a good idea. Kayla is clearly upset with the fact that he has a late wife, and she appears to have an obsession with Laura.
He’s been trying to work through his feelings, and now he’s unsure if he should have done what his family suggested during his argument with Kayla and instead insisted that he loved her.
On the other hand, he wondered if ending the relationship using more tact and kindness could have been a better solution.
What advice would you give him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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