He Went On Two Amazing Dates With A Woman Who Told Him They’re Not Going To Work Out, So He Feels Used
Dating is difficult; that’s no secret, but when you think things are going wonderfully with a person and then they indicate otherwise, it can be confusing.
Back in April, this 30-year-old man exited an 8-year-long relationship, and he was heartbroken but eager to move on.
He’s still not completely healed from the damage his ex-girlfriend did to him, but he has firmly left her in the past.
Recently, he’s gotten back into dating, and of the handful of dates he’s been on, none of the women showed any interest in him.
So, after two dates, he would cut things off with all of them. But then, he met one woman on a dating app who was stunning and completely his kind of woman.
He spent a couple of days speaking to her on the app, and then she gave him her phone number. They texted back and forth for a week before planning a dinner date for Thursday.
Their first date was incredible. He learned that they have the same dark, strange sense of humor and that they align on some pretty heavy topics.
“She is a behavioral therapist who specializes in trauma and substance abuse, BPD, and utilizes EMDR,” he explained.
“Coincidentally, my ex was an alcoholic (a big reason we grew apart), had BPD, and I’ve been using EMDR therapy in my own trauma treatment. What are the…chances? We exchanged pictures of our Halloween costumes, and she complimented my arms— I then told her I had been making a lot of progress on a cut in the gym, and she asked for a picture for “research purposes,” and I sent her one.”
CandyRetriever – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
“After that, she said “…you’re very handsome” and that she felt nervous to meet me because of that. I responded by saying she was intimidatingly beautiful and that we could be nervous together.”
So, on their first date, they spoke for three hours, and it was easy for them to make conversation. They laughed a lot, but he realized she was only discussing herself instead of asking him questions about his life.
He let it slide, thinking that it was alright to let her do the heavy lifting for now. When dinner was over, she asked him if he wanted to go to her house, and he said yes.
They watched one of her favorite shows, which is little known though he likes it, and then it was time to call it a night.
They shared a kiss, and he was so nervous he told her that they had to “save something for next time,” so he left, but not before saying they should plan their second date for the following Friday.
That weekend, she messaged him to say she was sad about having to wait so long to see him again.
He thought that was an unmistakable sign that she liked him, so they pushed their second date up to Sunday.
“She came to my place, I made us dinner, and we went downtown to a cocktail bar, and we both had non-alcoholic drinks since she had to work the next day (such a huge…green flag for me),” he said.
“She also didn’t really ask about my life at all on this date and only wanted to talk about herself. We came back to my place…she even gave me a compliment on my shredded physique, which I’ve worked so hard the last 8 months to build (“You have a nice body” is the only compliment she gave me IRL, not even anything about the dinner until I asked her how she liked it…).”
“I was cautiously optimistic. She seemed really into me. Yesterday we texted a little bit, and she seemed lighthearted and still interested, even randomly sending me a meme at some point. I asked how her day went and gave apologies if she was tired in the morning because of how late she stayed at my place Sunday, to which all she said was, “Today was good, but I was tired, lol.”
He replied back that he could come to her place on their next day, and asked if they were still on for Friday.
The very next morning, she sent him a text that really confused him. She informed him that she did appreciate the time they spent, but after thinking about it, she believes they won’t work out long-term and doesn’t want to waste his time or hers.
He felt blindsided, as she never made it clear to him what her intentions were in the dating world, and he also thought they were completely compatible in so many ways.
On their two dates, she seemed to be having a great time, so he doesn’t understand how they got here.
Thinking back, something in his gut did tell him things were off with her, but he didn’t trust it at the time.
So, he’s left considering that she simply used him for a good time and some validation.
“Was she put off when she looked at my bookshelf and saw books about psychology, BPD, self-help, attachment theory, etc?” he wondered.
“Did she judge my very Spartan rental house with little decor? Did she not really find me all that attractive but just wanted [a physical connection]? IDK. I guess she probably was talking to multiple people and just decided on a different one besides me.”
“I want to ask her if she can elaborate a bit on why, just so I have feedback for future dates, but I know that just looks weak and lame. I know I’m not owed an explanation, but it would really…be nice. I just feel like I need to say [forget] dating for another 8 months and focus inwards again…ugh… just when I was starting to feel a little hope.”
What advice do you have for him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
More About:Romance