Her Husband Pushed Her Into An Open Marriage Because She Lacks Experience

If your spouse pushed you into an open marriage, blaming it on your lack of experience, and then got mad at you for attracting attention, how would you feel?

Six years ago, this 30-year-old woman married her 34-year-old husband, who's from Berlin. She moved to Germany to be with him, and her husband was the first man she ever slept with.

At some point in their marriage, after her husband failed to be romantic with her for months on end, she brought it up, but he ignored what she was saying and twisted it around, making it seem like she was nagging him.

Following six months in a row of no affection from her husband, he sprung on her that he wanted an open marriage. He claimed she had no experience in the bedroom, and an open marriage would be the best thing for her.

"He kept pushing and pushing, saying it’s completely normal in Berlin, that progressive couples do this all the time, that I was being closed-minded and insecure for not wanting it," she explained.

"I was scared...I cried more than once because the idea of being with anyone else terrified me. But he wouldn’t drop it. He made me feel like if I said no, I was the problem. So I eventually gave in. We opened it. I was a nervous wreck at first."

"Then I started going on apps and dates and...it was actually good. Really good. Attractive young German men were interested. Multiple of them. Handsome, confident, attentive. It wasn’t hard. It felt almost unlimited compared to what I was used to at home."

Honestly, hooking up with other men made it clear what her husband was lacking, and what she was constantly crafting excuses for.

Her husband stated he didn't think that any German men would like her, as she is a woman of color. He was so convinced he would get all of the interest and she would have none.

DavidPrado - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a woman surrounded by lilacs

Her husband pursued a girl at the gym he was flirting with, and she turned him down for being too old for her. Following the rejection, he quit trying to find other women on dating apps.

"And now he’s the victim. Suddenly it’s 'unfair.' Suddenly it makes him 'physically sick,' thinking about other men (especially German men) [sleeping] with me," she added.

"He keeps throwing in my face that he was my first and he 'gave me everything.' The same man who pressured me for months, dismissed my fears, and used my lack of experience as the reason to open things up is now furious that I actually got experience and that local men wanted me."

"He forced this whole thing, and the second the reality didn’t go the way his ego expected, he turned into a jealous, bitter version of himself. He wanted the fantasy of an open relationship where he still controlled the narrative. He didn’t want me to actually have options."

She's exhausted. While she feels ashamed and guilty, she's also overwhelmed with anger, because her husband forced her into an open marriage, yet can't deal with the result of that.

I mean, this reads like her husband wanted an open marriage just so he could get permission to cheat on her with his gym crush, but that backfired, and now he's acting like a baby about it.

I guess the good news is this opened her eyes to the type of man her husband is, and that was a blessing in disguise.

I'm not sure why she would still want to stay married to her husband, though, after he insulted her, put her down, manipulated her into an arrangement her heart wasn't in, and then made her out to be the bad guy for his choices.

What advice do you have for her?

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