There are plenty of people out there who date with the intention of getting married and securing a life partner. So if you were up front about that intention and your partner balked at getting engaged after a few years, what would you do?
Would you give them more time to come to terms with an engagement, or move on and find someone aligned with your goals?
For the last two years, this 28-year-old woman has been dating her 27-year-old boyfriend, and at the start of their relationship, she made it crystal clear to him that she wanted to get married within three years or less, but she did want to live with him first before taking that next step.
She’s told him several times along the way that she has a timeline for marriage she’s sticking to, and he never protested. In fact, he appeared to be in agreement with it.
Over the last few months, she has addressed getting engaged soon, and her boyfriend responded that time really was flying and her deadline was approaching faster than he anticipated.
However, he didn’t challenge her. Earlier today, she dragged up the engagement topic yet again, adding that she needs to be engaged by next year, so they have to think about shopping for a ring.
She informed her boyfriend that she would like to be engaged by the start of 2027 to give him plenty of time to plan, and due to his being pretty forgetful about planning details.
“He completely freaked as he realized that he ‘soon’ (i.e., in 10 months-ish) needed to consider ring shopping with me and asked to stop this conversation as he needs space,” she explained.
“He seemed very stressed and panicked that the end of my timeline was so soon, and he started saying that he didn’t like my ultimatum. I ended up telling him that this should not be news to him, and after a while, he agreed he would need time to let this sink in.”
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“Now I’m upset because he 1) had 2 years to let my timeline sink in, 2) he still has a whole year and a half before I am expecting a proposal, 3) he would be open to trying for kids in 3 years, but is shocked about an engagement in 1-1.5yrs??”
She’s worried that she’s twisting his arm into marriage, and even if he does propose to her, it’s most likely just going to be to keep her quiet.
I don’t think her engagement timeline is unreasonable; it’s actually extremely realistic. I find it concerning that she communicated her wishes to her boyfriend at length, and he either ignored her or is stringing her along.
Whatever the reason is, it’s alarming that he’s hesitant to commit to her when she has been dating to find a husband. It does come across to me that her boyfriend isn’t interested in marrying her, otherwise he wouldn’t have such a negative reaction to her engagement plans.
She shouldn’t have to beg this guy to marry her, and since she’s now in the position, I think breaking up makes the most sense for her.
What advice do you have for her? Do you think it sounds like her boyfriend wants to marry her one day?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
