If you invite a loved one to move in with you and expect that they follow your house rules, do you think that should ever be up for negotiation? Or is it your house, your rules, so they better stick to them?
This 28-year-old woman spent six years with her boyfriend, J. Three years ago, she inherited a tiny house from her mom. J was cool with her decorating and organizing the house how she wanted, since she has severe OCD.
Four months ago, J’s mom got evicted from her place, and since she had nowhere to go, she allowed J’s mom to move in, so long as she could follow her rules.
Her rules are pretty straightforward: don’t wear shoes inside, don’t eat in any of the bedrooms, don’t take out the window screens since mosquitoes are horrible in their area, and don’t touch a single thing without alerting her first.
“She obeyed most rules, but she couldn’t for the life of her leave my stuff alone. My OCD is so bad that I have been in therapy for over a decade for it. It isn’t as bad as it used to be, but I still get upset and uncomfortable when certain spaces are moved around,” she explained.
“In the four months she stayed with us, J’s mom had reorganized the kitchen, living room, and even the patio deck. She always said it wasn’t a big deal, and the way she did them made more sense.”
“It would drive me mad when I would have to redo my spaces because J refused to tell his mom to stop. This was a fight every few weeks. For the record, I am a nanny and make more money than J did. I pay the bills and taxes on the house. And all I asked for was some respect.”
Last Friday, J’s mom entered her bathroom and rearranged all the objects in the cabinets, including her cleaning supplies, hair products, and medications.
J’s mom also took the screen out of the window to get some fresh air in there. That was it for her; she kicked J’s mom out and told her to find a new place to live, though she did generously pay for her to live in a motel for a week.
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J stated that if his mom was truly evicted, he would be dumping her, because he thought his mom deserved to be treated in a better way.
“I told him to go, and it broke my heart. I gave this man six years, and we’re done because I have a boundary. I have explained my side to most people, and they still think I’m wrong because of the storm that was due to arrive,” she continued.
“But it’s not like they were on the streets; they were in a motel, they were safe.”
She’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for kicking J and his mom out of her house.
I think it’s rude to rearrange someone’s house, even if that person doesn’t have OCD. So no, she’s not in the wrong, but J’s mom certainly is.
She kindly opened her home to this woman, so the least J’s mom could have done was respect her house rules. The fact that J’s mom didn’t do this has me wondering if she intentionally tried to set her off by putting her hands on everything.
What do you think? When you are living in someone else’s home for free, do you lose the right to organize common spaces? Do you think J’s mom was trying to exert her dominance over her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
