Every relationship comes with negotiation, but sometimes the balance tips so far that one partner feels like they’re carrying the entire load alone.
That’s what he’s dealing with after his wife suddenly decided she wants to embrace a traditional stay-at-home role; except her version doesn’t include managing the house or shouldering most of the family responsibilities.
Instead, she expects him to bankroll their entire life, work 60-hour weeks, and still come home to split chores evenly. Does that sound fair to you?
Not too long ago, this 36-year-old man’s 34-year-old wife told him that she would like to be a stay-at-home mom full-time. They only have one daughter, who is 12, and their daughter is not the reason his wife wants to stay home.
Actually, his wife now wants to be super traditional, and that’s behind her new decision to no longer work. However, his wife thinks that he should ‘be a man’ and pay for everything, but she also expects him to do housework.
“I work over 60 hours a week now. I handle all of our expenses, but she expects me to split cooking, cleaning, school runs, [and] even child rearing 50/50,” he explained.
“She says real men ‘don’t treat their wives like maids.’ If I tell her I’m exhausted after a 10-hour day and ask why she can’t handle more of the home stuff, she accuses me of being sexist.”
“I argued that if I’m the only one working, shouldn’t the housework and kid stuff be mostly on her since she’s at home all day? I’d still help when I can, but it doesn’t make sense for me to work all day, be [the] sole provider, and then also do half the housework. She says if I really loved my family, I’d have energy for both.”
His wife goes around putting him down to her friends, saying things like he expects her to be some kind of servant while insisting he’s lazy.
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He honestly thinks his wife is taking advantage of him and wants her life to be easy and responsibility-free. He mentioned to his wife that if she wants him to split the household chores evenly, then she still needs to work so she can contribute money to their family.
I don’t think the arrangement his wife wants is fair at all, and it’s going to leave him burnt out and resentful. He needs to stop letting her guilt him, and it sounds like counseling could be helpful since they’re not on the same page.
Love doesn’t mean running yourself ragged while your partner checks out of both work and home; it means pulling your weight in whatever role you choose.
Do you think he’s being unreasonable, or is his wife the crazy one here?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
