Her Husband Spent Years Cheating On Her And Got The Other Girl Pregnant, But She Still Wants To Have A Child With Him Instead Of Starting Over

If all you ever wanted was a child of your own, would you remain in a marriage with a man who cheated on you and got someone else pregnant, even if it meant you could fulfill your dream of being a mom, or would you start all over again?

This woman recently celebrated her 40th birthday, and she's been with her 46-year-old husband for four and a half years. If you're on the outside looking in, you would assume that they have a solid and peaceful relationship.

They hardly fight; her husband is not dramatic, yet supportive. But she's always known something hasn't been quite right, because her husband will not let his phone out of his hand.

Her husband is attached to his device, and it's with him nonstop, facing down. She wanted to trust him, so she never really thought much about it.

Now, she's religious, but her husband is not, which is why her parents took two long years to agree to meet him. Her dad was vehemently opposed to them being together in the beginning.

"When they finally met, my father surprisingly liked him, but also warned him about our culture, values, [and] expectations. My partner promised he would never hurt me," she explained.

"My father told me: If things go wrong, don’t come home crying. Those words haunt me now. Two years in, I started pushing for children, something we both agreed on since the beginning. He always said he wanted kids with me. But he kept delaying it: 'Let’s wait another year… let’s see… let’s meet your parents first…'"

"Always postponing. In November 2024, we finally tried. I got pregnant. And at 11 weeks… I miscarried. It shattered me. My doctor said [to] wait two months. My partner said four, 'for both of us to heal.' Another delay. Another wall."

But in August of this year, a letter came in the mail, requesting that her husband take a paternity test for a child born a month earlier.

myskina6 - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

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Apparently, her husband cheated on her and got that other girl pregnant a month before she got pregnant. Her husband admitted to what he did, and mentioned this girl was someone he had known before he met her, whom he routinely hooked up with.

He said he couldn't ever be with this girl since they didn't have the same shared values, but that didn't prevent him from sleeping with her throughout the entire course of their relationship.

She realized her husband had never been the loyal, supportive man she thought he was.

"Something inside me broke. My self-esteem fell apart. I felt ugly, still feel, unwanted, stupid, naive. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself. But at the same time, I know I am not unattractive," she added.

"I take care of myself. I work out, [and] I eat healthy. I am a good woman. I cook, I clean. I gave him trust, peace, freedom, [and] support. I’m not controlling. I’m not dramatic. It still wasn't enough. He made me feel worthless, small, insecure; even though HE is the one who destroyed everything."

"When it happened, the only person I talked to was my older brother. He told me to think about my priorities. And the painful truth is: I still want children. I’m 40. I don’t have endless time. The thought of starting over… dating, trusting, rebuilding… I feel like I wouldn’t make it in time."

So, she came up with a list of demands and presented them to her husband. The first thing on her list? She wants to pursue IVF, since the thought of sleeping with her husband makes her sick.

She pointed out to her husband that she cannot remain with him knowing that he has a baby with a different woman while she doesn't have a baby.

Her second demand is that her husband isn't allowed to tell a single soul about his affair child until she's ready for him to disclose that.

Next, she wants his mom to meet their future child before she gets to meet his affair baby. Regarding her own parents, they need to keep the affair baby a secret from them.

And finally, she doesn't want to see or meet his affair partner. She wants this woman to have no role in her life.

"I don’t know if I’m a bad person for having these conditions. I know she won’t be completely out of our lives, and I’d never stop him from seeing that child. I just… don’t know what my mind will be able to handle," she continued.

"He agreed to everything. We’re now in our second IVF cycle (the first failed). But deep down… I know he’s still lying. I saw his dating profile ten days ago. Hidden now, but active."

"He still hides his phone. I still see Signal notifications pop up, and my stomach flips every time. I’m terrified to confront him because I’m scared he’ll leave. And every time I bring up the betrayal, he gets annoyed; says I shouldn't keep bringing it up, that I’m depressing us both, that we can’t be happy if I 'stay stuck.'"

Her brother told her to get that baby she wants so badly, and then sort things out. If her husband cheats on her again, she can always walk away after she secures what she truly wants.

Sometimes, she's able to focus on the big picture: getting to be a mom. But other days, she feels as if she's drowning. She had a great life before her husband's affair came to light, and she thinks she's lost everything.

She does think about cheating to get revenge on her husband, but she is aware that it won't solve anything. She's curious if one day, she will wake up and not hurt so much.

Her husband will never attend therapy with her, so that's not a solution for moving forward. If things are going to get fixed, it's down to the two of them to do it alone, and she's not positive they can pull it off.

"He would never agree to counseling. We don’t communicate deeply enough for that. So if this relationship ever heals, it would have to heal without help, and I don’t know if that’s even possible," she said.

"I’m not proud of staying. But this is where I am."

I suppose she has to ask herself if she can manage being a single mom. If the answer is yes, then getting a baby out of him and dumping him later could be a good option, but if the answer is no, starting all over again is the only thing left to do.

What an impossible choice to make. She deserves to be with a man who will put her first, and her husband clearly doesn't have a remorseful bone in his body.

What advice do you have for her?

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