The deal with being a stay-at-home spouse is that the home is supposed to become your full-time job. When one person works full-time hours to pay every single bill, the other person’s contribution is managing the household so that when the workday is over, everyone can actually relax.
If the working spouse is still coming home to a sink full of dishes, piles of laundry, and no dinner, then the stay-at-home spouse isn’t working, are they? They’re basically retired, and is that fair?
This man has a full-time job working 40 hours a week, while his wife is a stay-at-home mom. His wife’s dream has been to quit her job and stay at home, even though he didn’t want her to do this. And, they did have serious conversations about this dynamic before they got married.
Against his wishes, his wife stopped working. He reminded his wife that having two incomes is a better safety net, as that way, if one of them were to lose their job, they wouldn’t be financially struggling.
She responded that she did not want to ‘miss out’ on her son’s elementary school years. His wife’s 10-year-old son attends public school, and the bus picks him up at their house and drops him off later on.
His wife’s son is from a prior relationship, and he has no children of his own. His wife says the relationship with her son’s dad ended after he cheated, and this guy then went AWOL.
Nobody knows where he is, and he doesn’t pay child support, so he pays for his wife’s son. He’s been with his wife for three years, and a year ago, they tied the knot.
“Recently, I heard her complaining to her sister on the phone that I just get home and immediately start playing video games,” he explained.
“I later confronted her about it, and she said she expects me to do 50% of the household labor. I disagreed, because on top of my 40hr job, I also handle 100% of the finances and 100% of the car and house maintenance, like cutting the yard, trimming trees, or when something breaks.”
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“She says she’s carrying a lot of mental load, and I told her I am too. She seems to think hers is more than mine, but again, I disagree.”
His wife always leaves dirty laundry and dishes all over the house, and he’s forced to pick them all up on his own. If his wife actually did the housework and the cooking, which would not even take her eight hours a day, there wouldn’t be anything on his plate.
He thinks it just irritates her to see him relaxing after a hard day at work, which is why she’s picking a fight with him.
His wife’s day looks like this: she gets up, makes breakfast exclusively for herself, watches some TV, goes to the gym, heads off to lunch after that, does some laundry or a small errand, and waits around for him and her son to get home. She does get her hair and nails done and goes shopping with her friends or sisters sometimes.
Mainly, she orders takeout and does not make dinner at all. He did say to her not too long ago that he would like to start eating healthy, and she said he could figure out how to make dinner on his own.
His wife has no physical limitations or mental illnesses, so he thinks she should step it up, since there is nothing preventing her from doing so.
They have scheduled an appointment with a therapist to help them see eye-to-eye or at least find a compromise, but he’s curious in the meantime if he’s a jerk for thinking his wife should be doing pretty much all of their housework, considering his contributions.
Some people really don’t know how good they have it. Personally, I think his wife sounds spoiled and like a princess. Her son goes to school, and she’s not doing the household chores, so what does she do all day? I mean, I know he told us, but still, it seems like a whole lot of nothing.
He’s nothing but his wife’s ATM, especially since he’s funding her son’s life too, and I think he should get out of this marriage now while he still can and won’t be required to fork over a whole lot in alimony.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
