Her Husband's Old Friend With Benefits Sent Her The Inappropriate Messages From During Their Marriage

If your spouse's old friend with benefits sent you their inappropriate messages from during your marriage, how would you feel about that?

This 29-year-old woman has spent the last decade with her 32-year-old husband, and they tied the knot nearly four years ago.

Before she met her husband, he had a relationship with a woman that was strictly physical, and they stayed friends after it came to an end. They just dropped the with benefits part.

She was aware of his history with this woman, and she even came to their wedding. This woman never caused drama in her marriage up until recently, when everything changed for some reason.

"About 4 months ago, she sent me screenshots of Snapchat conversations between them. She was apparently angry with him about something, although I don’t know exactly what," she explained.

"The messages span roughly 3 years during our marriage. I only have the snippets she chose to send me, so I don’t know what context may be missing. In the screenshots I received, the flirting appeared very one-sided."

While there was no proof that her husband had slept with this other woman during their marriage, her husband absolutely crossed lines with some of the chats he had with her.

Her husband actually told this woman that if he had never met her, he would have gotten together with her in a heartbeat. Her husband even helped her come up with ideas for how to make adult content online, and they talked about photos she should take, how she should promote it, and what kinds of things men would find attractive.

"There were also conversations where he told her he loved her, loved her attention, loved hearing from her, and wanted her to be happy and successful. At one point, after she was discussing her appearance, he told her, 'You are [stunning],'" she added.

Andrey_Arkusha - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person - pictured above is a woman posing in a park

If you picked apart the conversations and examined them alone, she says nothing overall might come across like a big deal, but altogether, they don't look like two friends chatting.

She called her husband out on the messages, and while he said sorry, he didn't have any remorse. He said he was just trying to help this woman's confidence and be a good friend to her. Sure.

Her husband has stopped speaking to his friend, but months later, she thinks about it pretty much on a daily basis, and she is still bothered.

"Part of the problem is that I don’t know what I don’t know. If she hadn’t sent me these screenshots, I don’t know if I ever would have found out," she said.

"I asked my husband if there was anything else I should know, including whether there were messages with anyone else, and he said there wasn’t anything else going on with her or anyone else."

She's trying to work out if this was an emotional affair, actual cheating, a friendship that took an inappropriate turn, or another option she hasn't thought of yet.

She feels hurt, betrayed, and she's leaning towards something physical did happen between her husband and this friend of his.

"I love him a lot. He treats me well and takes care of me, but this has changed how I view him and our relationship. I’m also questioning whether I’m overreacting because I don’t feel like he viewed it as nearly as big of a deal as I did," she continued.

"And while I’ve told him it’s still bothering me, I don’t want him to feel as if I’m trying to play a guilt card. I just genuinely want to understand what the intention was."

She's left wondering how to forgive and forget here while rebuilding the trust she previously had in her husband.

This is so many levels of inappropriate, and this woman isn't some random friend; it's her husband's old hookup buddy, so that really makes it even uglier. I can't believe she allowed her husband to invite this woman to their wedding, but that's beside the point.

Her husband emotionally cheated on her, at a minimum, and lied. I hope she's planning on leaving him. Too many lines were crossed to come back from, and she's always going to worry about what else happened between them that hasn't come out.

What advice do you have for her?

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