When your spouse’s monstrous selfishness destroys your family before it even begins, how are you supposed to pick up the pieces?
This woman spent nine years with her husband, and they were married for six. They tried to get pregnant for four long years, and she did four rounds of IVF. Her final round of IVF was in May of last year.
“From the moment we did the embryo transfer, his behavior completely changed. We found out I was pregnant for the first time successfully 1 week later,” she explained.
“He made my life a living [nightmare] from the moment of the embryo transfer onwards. I was pregnant; he would go out for after-work drinks and wouldn’t come home until 9 a.m. the next day.”
“I confronted him many times, asking him if he was cheating on me; he would look me straight in the eyes and say no. This went on for weeks and weeks, and this was my first pregnancy.”
Her husband never once asked her how she was doing, and he showed no interest in their baby or her. He continued to go out and didn’t come home.
She finally called her mom to tell her what was happening, and her mom said she should visit, so she booked a flight. Her husband was shocked she left, but didn’t ultimately care.
He then ghosted her for 10 days, and she was more than 8 weeks pregnant back then. Then on July 1st, her husband phoned her to say he met a 25-year-old girl (he was 20 years older) and thought she was the love of his life. Her husband met this girl at work in January, so they only knew one another for three or four months.
“He was already with her as he was encouraging me to go through IVF for the 4th time, and renewing the lease to our flat, and house hunting,” she added.
“It’s crazy in my opinion for anyone sane to be doing this, as he was on his way out of this marriage. Long story short, he told me all the cruel things (he’d been unhappy for years, I was difficult, he couldn’t talk to me, he couldn’t make me happy, she was light and easy and fun, etc., etc., he didn’t regret what he was doing and he wasn’t gonna leave her) disguised as being ‘honest’ with me.”
“I decided I couldn’t keep the baby he was now telling me didn’t want, after 4 years of trying. He never asked me to not go through with it.”
The day she terminated her pregnancy, her husband sent her a text about coming to the house to get some of his things, and she responded that she was at the clinic. Her parents were there with her.
He did not come to be there with her or check in on her later on. Four days later, he demanded she begin paying him rent. It’s been a year since then, and she hasn’t even heard from his family.
She did end up filing for divorce, and her husband said he would go to mediation, which happened in March. Her husband vanished for 3 months without signing the documents.
Her husband then changed her mind and said their agreement was unfair, since he paid for so much in their marriage. It was like her husband was requesting some kind of a refund on their lifestyle.
Tomorrow marks 1 year since she had to sit in the clinic and say goodbye to her baby. She wonders if her husband is suffering as much as she did. She does feel grateful that she didn’t have a baby with him, since he’s such a horrible person.
“For anyone wondering, his relationship with the love of his life lasted about 3-4 months after he left [his unborn child and me]. He never told her I was pregnant; he probably made me sound like a monster,” she said.
“Everyone at work knew they were together; no one cared. He started texting me in the middle of the night after his relationship was over (I miss you, let’s talk, etc.), but I never entertained it.”
“Until his narrative changed and he started blaming me for everything. He blamed me for him cheating (lol), saying I wasn’t supportive enough, and didn’t tell him I was proud of him (lol).”
She knows none of this really matters because it wouldn’t have changed the outcome. She doesn’t understand why her husband felt the need to put her through so much devastation when he could have just walked away.
She has good days and bad days, and she does feel terrible still about wasting a decade of her life with him. It makes her feel like she’s behind in life.
“He has to live with himself, and someone happy in life wouldn’t still be dragging a divorce the way he is. He is a sad, pathetic 45-year-old man who lies on dating apps about his age (he tried to match with a friend of mine, and he’s claiming to be 39 years old),” she continued.
Her husband is a sad excuse for a human being, and I can’t believe he put her through all of this. I wish her nothing but a lifetime of happiness and a speedy divorce.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
